In the last five days I’ve been seeing so many great news stories that I feel like singing “Omigod you guys” from the Legally Blonde Musical. There is so much keeping me ridiculously fired up and I wanted to share some pre-election pump up with you all.

ALSO! It’s live event time! Every year around the late fall (LATE FALL?!?!) I host a live event called “Home for the Holidays” on allyship, boundary setting, and mental health at family holiday gatherings. I am going to be majorly revamping the content this year to lean hard into agency, joy, and strategies of persuasion and healing. The event will be held on Monday, November 9th and is open to anyone. Feel free to send it to anyone you think may benefit! Tickets to the event are on a sliding scale, and you never need to justify or prove what level you think you should be at. I will just be happy to have you.

RSVP here!

There are LOTS of great wins coming down the pike lately.

Most of these wins have nothing to do with polls or midterms, in fact they’re good news stories that will be true before and after the elections. Next week matters a lot, AND our fight is all the time. Wins and losses come all the time. Do not let Tuesday be the hinge upon which your entire hope rests.

That being said, for my US readers, here are a few election-related resources and reminders.

ELECTION STUFF

Show me the election stuff!TAKE IT AWAY!!

Putting this at the top of the article please for the love of God be so discerning with the insane amount of fearmongering online about political or military involvement in the midterms. A video having a million likes does not mean the source is credible, it just means it went viral (which usually happens when a video is particularly extreme or activating).

Remember that the right wing, which is concentrating ownership of local and national news outlets, has a vested interest in you not voting, and the best way to do that is showing constant headlines and debates about how evil trump is and how much it doesn’t matter if you vote. Even polls that feel too-good-to-be-true probably are, and overconfidence is ALSO disempowering. If you know your election is at 70% chance of winning, why would you vote? DO NOT LET ANYONE TRICK YOU INTO NOT VOTING!

If you have concerns or confusion about a voter suppression or intimidation campaign that you hear about or see with your own eyes or ears, PLEASE call the election protection hotline instead of scrolling about it. I’m begging. (866-OUR-VOTE)

If you are trans and worried about voting, look at the A4TE’s “voting while trans” guide.

If you are an immigrant and worried about voting, check out the National Immigration Law Center’s voting rights guides offered in many languages.

(notice that I am sharing information created by lawyers, not random people. Do not amplify social media people playing on fear for “content”)

Feeling angry or tired about yet another “democracy saving election”? Me too! But remember that cynicism and burnout is not an individual moral failure. It’s a systemic success. I found that ringing true in this particularly poignant article shared with me by my lovely friend, Therese: “When people with an agenda can’t win the argument, they work hard to shrink the number of people who show up to hear it. It costs them nothing, and it hands the outcome to the most motivated voters, who are very often the angriest. In a province where a handful of ridings can decide who forms government, the fly staying home is a gift to the wasp.”

Also, I know there’s been a lot of noise about the small group of democratic candidates throwing trans people under the bus. Erin Reed wrote a very thoughtful article about it that I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about.

Erin In The Morning

Don’t Vote For The Worst Anti-Trans Democrats

Read more

4 days ago · 598 likes · 71 comments · Erin Reed

I’m sharing this article with a number of my own complicated feelings attached to it, not as an endorsement of everything in it. I trust you all as critical thinkers (and you should trust yourself this way, too!) to share what I feel is something important to consider. My worldview is best summarized as “pragmatic utopianism” which balances an unflinching curiosity about the EXACT situation I find myself in and how I can work this to the best possible outcome. Here’s my own opinion, though you’re very welcome to disagree with it:

Voting serves two major purposes, to me:

1. Harm reduction

2. Creating the conditions in which we fight for change

Will my vote get someone out of harm’s way? Great. Thinking particularly about the most marginalized people and others most affected by the cruelty of the Trump admin, I want to know who seems likely to protect my immigrant neighbors from ICE terrorism NOW. I want someone who isn’t actively voting or legislating to hurt the trans community. Second, do I think this is a person who I can meet with, or push, or safely protest against? What do I know about how others have worked with them in the past?

Rather than encourage you to develop an opinion on the entire article, if one of these candidates is on your ballot, I encourage you to look into them specifically. Will electing them reduce harm? Are they someone who is able to be pushed? It’s going to feel complicated either way. What matters is that you create the conditions in which you want to fight for change, and then after the election, you do that.

If you decide you don’t want to vote for a particular candidate, that’s fine! Still show up to vote for all the other positions. Anger at one senate candidate doesn’t need to be the reason your school board gets taken over by the moms for liberty. You are allowed to leave a section blank.

If you have particular thoughts, disagreements, or other things you’d like to share, I encourage you to use the comments here to do so!

Leave a comment

The Wins!

The iconic and inimitable KB Brookins has put out yet another of their fantastic (and reliably on time) roundups of Trans News that Doesn’t Suck!

Since most of the queers I know live on a planet, I think a healthy dose of good climate news is a win here! Here are my two favorites: this Japanese golf course turned into a solar farm is solarpunk as hell, and 211 different native plants are thriving under the panels without ever having been planted (meaning they naturally spread and thrived there). ALSO for the first time EVER, Gasoline-only vehicles made up 49% of global new-vehicle sales in the first half of 2026, down from 73% in 202. THAT’S HUGE!!!

I have lots of mixed feelings about the US military. I am, however, feeling particularly proud to read about the Navy and Marine Corps courts defying orders and refusing to discharge their transgender peers with otherwise exemplary service records.

The Supreme Court has temporarily blocked the Trump administration’s attempts to ban healthcare and social accommodations for transgender inmates.

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In Serbia, a student-led protest movement has unseated the far-right government that’s been in power since 2014.

In Brazil, Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva won the presidential election last week and defeated the far right candidate Flavio Bolsonaro. Many hope this win will stop the recent growth of the far right in Latin America.

People doing Good Queer Stuff (and needing your help!)

• Comfrey Films (the awesome Black Trans film festival I wrote about in April) is hiring in Durham, NC for a full time Program Director and a part-time Grant Writer!

• Point of Pride, an amazing organization helping fund gender affirming medical care and garments for a LOT of trans people, is a finalist for the Anthem awards! We have until TOMORROW NIGHT to vote for them here (and check out all the other amazing finalists!)

• The QT Library is looking for books, funds, and volunteers to help create their dreams of opening a brick and mortar queer library in Boston!

• Good Queer News is in the process of growing to be able to sustain multiple regular paid contributors, and any and all paid subscriptions will be put towards helping GQN build as much hope as possible. Thank you for your support!

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That’s all I’ve got for today. Take care of yourself. Have a good day on purpose, and go out there and make some good queer news worth celebrating!! No matter how things shake out tomorrow, or Tuesday, or the next day, we’ll all be here fighting the fight.

All my love,

Ben

I pay all my contributors (and they get an extra share of the profits when people upgrade specifically on articles they wrote) so your support helps grow the love every way I can!

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You had to be there.

Leon’s euphoric celebration “Homecoming” was all over Baltimore revelers’ socials. The Insta stories got blurrier and sweatier. Videos of DJ Shyboi’s sexy, modern, funny, and nostalgic vibes at once drop the beat, bring the heat, and make you laugh. “I truly look forward to my sets at Leon’s,” says Shyboi. “The reopening [was] like a full-on celebration. How can I describe it? Like the opposite of a funeral, if that makes sense?” Local diva Fernette Branca showed up at 3pm, left for work, then came back to stay til 3am. “I’m certain me and my partner were the last non-employees on the premise,” Fernette says with pride.

Cue Stefon¹ 1voice: The country’s silver-medal for oldest gay bar is Leon’s. And this place has everything. Two bars, front and back: everyone has a preferred watering hole, you know? (wink!) A tiny stage. A massive screen. Two bathrooms: one for hookups, and one where they send the lesbians, straights, and lost-looking tourists. Sticky plastic cups with heavy pours. Don’t go to Leon’s if you have plans tomorrow. Or! Go there every night because you’re one of those party gays.

Introverts could live Leon’s “Homecoming” vicariously if you didn’t want to go back when it was crazy, packed, and loud. Maybe you wanted your first time back to be on a quiet, empty, weekday afternoon. When the bartender will catch you up on gossip and pour your beer of choice, because they know you don’t go for the usual translucent cocktails.

Regardless, years from now the elder queers will hum nostalgically over a bubbly and say “Remember that time Leon’s closed?”

It started with a handwritten note on both the front and back doors of Leon’s. You know the note. Nearly ubiquitous since the pandemic, it’s the little note on the locally owned and operated bar or restaurant that everyone loved and now it’s gone. Just like that. For DJ Shyboi, it started with the July 15th IG post which mourned the owner’s passing and called for “one final, special shift,” to “raise a glass to Ron and share your favorite memories.”

“I remember the mood was somber,” says Shyboi, “Leon’s is not only a bar; it is a community space.” The gritty spinal column of big gay Baltimore, Leon’s is the connective neural fluid from once-flourishing gayborhoods, now long gone, to today’s meandering queer landscape of events, bars, and third spaces. “Temporarily losing Leon’s left a lot of queer folx in Baltimore, and specifically in Mt. Vernon, adrift and uncertain.”

Mt. Vernon is the quintessential once-flourishing gayborhood, at least a dozen locations catering to the queers have closed in the last couple decades. Fernette recalls Leon’s closure “absolutely removed a space for me and my partner over the summer, and impacted my bartender friend’s employment, as well as my own drag gigs. I’d already bought all the damn rhinestones.”

The community took care of Leon’s displaced staff and patrons for over two months with mutual aid, loving kindness, and open doors. “I have so much gratitude,” says Cade, a Leon’s bartender, “for the sacrifices made and the work put in for us to have a source of income during an uncertain period of our lives.” They said one hero of this effort was Ryan Haase, the owner of nearby Club Car. Fernette agrees, “Ryan and crew…deserve praise for stepping up to the plate.”

Cade says Ryan “offered to host all of Leon’s regularly scheduled programming with Leon’s bartenders working the shifts.” This meant Club Car, normally open only on weekends, took on “four more days a week (a 200% increase in hours of operation), no small task for ownership and management of The Club Car.” Neighboring gay bar The Drinkery also offered shifts and shoulders to cry on for the bartenders and patrons. “Spirits of Mt. Vernon, Mount Royal Tavern, Club Charles, all of these spaces opened their doors to a group of people who had suddenly lost their favorite haunt.”

On the night of “Homecoming,” the new owner of Leon’s triumphantly announced “we’ll be here forever!” Fernette Branca sincerely proclaims: “They’ll get rid of this bar when all the nasty, undead, cockroach gays and queens are unglued from the floor, probably only due to the residual warmth from the heat death of the universe.” That night, according to Shyboi, “I think everyone acknowledged the immense effort and dedication by everyone involved in the reopening.”

Do you know a local queer space that could use this kind of love? “The unsung heroes,” Cade says, “are the friends and chosen family, even the acquaintances, who came together and offered help in the smallest ways.” This is your sign to make a plan and go visit your local queer space. Maybe make a Halloween recovery visit on Sunday, November 1st? Or get together with your community for support on election night, November 3rd?

If you’re an introvert, spread the word about that space on your socials, or buy some merch from them for holiday gifts this year. “The regulars who showed up for karaoke at The Club Car and tipped a dollar or two more than usual,” Cade continues. “The small discount here or there, the offers of services if there was no cash to give, the strangers who indulged me with no idea how badly I needed a distraction.”

Alas, we have a word limit2 here. When I told Cade, they said: “750 words? To convey the generosity and love found within Baltimore’s queer community?” Like Leon’s on her busiest nights, it may not be big enough, but folks make it work and somehow it fits just right.

About the Author: Lee Soeburn lives in a writing house she calls the “Sea Quill,” because it serves as a sequel to her 25 years lived in Alabama, closeted and by another name (and because her spouse hates puns!) She writes protopian (not dystopian, rarely utopian) future stories, grants for local creators (“Keeping artists from starving since 2022”), and fanfiction, so much fanfiction.

Thanks again to Lee for writing a great article that brought me a great hit of joy! If you’re interested in submitting a guest article or becoming a regular contributor, you can submit using this google form! If you’ve already submitted, thank you!! There’s a lot of great stuff in there and I’m doing my best to go through it all and get stuff set up on the content calendar :)

All my love as always,

Ben

Hi folks! I am so excited to be bringing the very first guest-authored Good News Roundup. This one comes from the lovely Jess, aka (KoalatyGay, lol) on here! Check out all the hope they’ve gathered for us, and then go see what else they’re working on!

I pay all my contributors (and they get an extra share of the profits when people upgrade specifically on articles they wrote) so your support helps grow the love every way I can!

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Happy Wednesday to all of you lovely readers! I’m standing in for Ben with this mid-month Good Queer News roundup. Before we get started, let’s acknowledge what a rough stretch into the midterm elections this has been. I won’t recap the bad news I read to bring you the good stuff, but if you’re on social media, you’ve likely heard an earful.

As we carry through the remainder of this month, let’s remember to make these good queer news stories count and to make sure to VOTE in the midterms! We create a better future when we work together to make it happen!

Polling and Reports

Polls from The 19th report more Americans oppose gender-affirming care bans than support such bans. Additionally, support for trans healthcare bans are dropping even with republicans. Considering many GOP candidates are running on anti-trans campaigns alone, this doesn’t bode super well for them!

A report from the HRC Foundation finds that LGBTQ people are a very civically engaged group, and 92% of queer and trans registered voters plan to vote in the midterms (compared to 68% of non-queer voters). When we show up at the polls together, we have a collective power that makes impact.

Midterm Candidate News

Amongst the stories of some Democratic candidates wavering on transgender rights, some candidates (and incumbents) are doubling down on their support.

Kentucky

The governor of Kentucky, Andy Beshear, stuck to his pro-trans stance on a CNN interview where he asserts, “We don’t throw people under the bus,” after the interviewer asked about Beshear’s veto of a trans sports ban. When the interviewer mentioned some Democrats’ flip on trans rights, Beshear goes on to express, “That is not the party that we are. We start as a party of compassion and empathy.” Reminder, this is coming from the governor of KENTUCKY!--a state that’s been voting for a Republican presidential candidate for the last seven election cycles.

Ohio

In Ohio, Democratic senator candidate Sherrod Brown responds to anti-trans attack ads without throwing trans kids under the bus. Unlike some other dem candidates running for office in Ohio (*cough* Amy Acton and Marcy Kaptur *cough*), Brown manages to confront anti-trans attack ads from his opponent–GOP incumbent Jon Husted–by stating the facts: “Jon Husted protected men who abused young girls.”

Montana

The Democratic candidate in Montana’s 1st Congressional District is also refusing to buckle on transgender rights. In a debate with his anti-trans opponent, Sam Forstag was asked about transgender issues, and Forstag replied with, “Let’s leave sports to the leagues that actually run them. Let’s let people live their lives with dignity and make their own private personal decisions, and let’s keep politics the heck out of it.”

As the debate carried on, Forstag pointed out, “this fear-mongering from [my opponent] is to distract from the fact that he does not have any solutions to make working people’s lives better.” Sick burn, Forstag!

State News

Colorado

The Colorado Medical Society–a major physician group in the state–declared they oppose the ballot proposal that seeks to ban gender-affirming care for trans youth.

President Sean Pauzauskie said: “CMS members hold diverse political views but share a core principle: medical decisions belong in the exam room. CMS flatly opposes interference by government or other third parties that compromise physicians’ abilities to use their medical judgment as to the information or treatment that is in the best interest of their patients.”

New York

Mayor Mamdani’s The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene (NYC DOHMH) has allocated $9 million for nonprofits that provide gender-affirming care for transgender youth. This funding is part of a larger plan to close the gap left in the wake of hospitals closing their doors to trans youth in an act of capitulation to the Trump administration.

Virginia

Virginia’s governor, Abigail Spanberger, spoke against the Trump administration’s policy change that removes medicaid coverage for gender-affirming healthcare. She told the Advocate, “Once again, the Trump administration [is] targeting and using as pawns people who rely on Medicaid for their healthcare coverage, and in this case, children.” It’s great to see politicians naming these attacks for what they are–(weak) attempts at capitalizing on political capital.

Local News

Students at Pennsylvania’s Fairview High School elected a transgender girl as their homecoming queen this year! Sadly, the school faced some backlash from few but loud voices in the community. When time came for the board meeting following homecoming, a teacher organized a group of support for the homecoming queen, leaving the room packed for standing only. No one spoke at the meeting against the trans queen. That’s what happens when we rally together and for each other!

Take Action

• Vote early and/or make a plan to vote on election day (Tuesday, November 3).

• Text 10 friends and ask them if they’ve made their voting plans yet

• Attend this 50501 Webinar on Deescalation and Safety at the polls!

Thanks again to Jess for writing such a fabulous roundup! If you’re interested in submitting a guest article or becoming a regular contributor, you can submit using this google form! If you’ve already submitted, thank you!! There’s a lot of great stuff in there and I’m doing my best to go through it all and get stuff set up on the content calendar :)

All my love as always,

Ben

Submissions!

Now, onto the clickbait title of this article, which I personally stand by. You might be thinking, I wonder what Ben is up to, making these plans to share the workload of Good Queer News. I wonder if he might have some sort of upcoming long-term distraction that may make it hard to be consistent about writing articles…

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, Ben, your dad jokes are getting out of control. You need a new outlet for those…

You might have some guesses as to where this email is going…

It is with absolutely explosive jubilations that I write to you all that my wife is pregnant, and in March of next year, I will become a father!!!!!!!

This has been a long time coming, and it’s still pretty surreal that after a year of IVF and tests and appointments and ultrasounds our family is going to grow a little bigger this spring.

Rest assured that my work will continue. It feels even more urgent now to build a world not just that I’m proud of, but that I want my daughter to inherit.

Between now and March, I’m going to be working my butt off on my travel season and on a new literary project due December 1st that I’ll share more about in a later post.

After that, I’m all in this winter on building Good Queer News up into something big. Especially with the news of the Paramount merger and the increasing fearmongering and right-wing capture of the legacy media ecosystem. Building meaningful, joyful, solutions-focused independent journalism feels like a very critical mission to me.

Big dreams are great, and I’ve got plenty of those, but I’m learning that big dreams aren’t a whole lot without BIG PLANS to make those dreams come true, and to share the workload so things don’t all get stuck with me.

These will be seasons of growth for Good Queer News, and I’m incredibly grateful to those of you whose support has already made so much of this work possible.

Cheers to what’s next!!

A few weeks ago, Good Queer News passed its TWO YEAR anniversary!! This is so bonkers to me and as I’ve written about before, this publication has really changed my life. I’ve written about that a lot already, but I digress. This article isn’t about me, it’s about US!

Good Queer News is a project that I love really deeply, and one that I know can become something more than what I have the capacity to build it into as just one person. SO I am putting out a call for collaboration in a few different ways:

1. Want to write a one-off cool piece for GQN? Tell me about the win you fought for in your small town! Give me an interview with a local candidate you believe in! Uplift a cool coalition or a figure from queer history who gives you strength! The sky’s the limit here.

2. Want to step up your involvement? I’m also looking for longer-term collaborators who are interested in writing a monthly, bi-monthly (ha, gay), or quarterly column for the publication. It can be anything from a “rural roundup” to queer history features to an advice column, as long as you can make a good case for how it’s connected to the theme of GQN.

3. I am also, gently and with great terror, beginning to wonder what it might look like to have a true partner in this project to help with the overall management and growth of GQN as a publication. This door isn’t open quite yet, but I’m planting the seed for interested parties. Think about it!!

All three of these opportunities will be paid to varying degrees. I’ve never run a media company before, so I’m still figuring out the best and most equitable way to handle this. I’m eager to hear any and all thoughts folks might have, and in the spirit of transparency I’ll also share some of my initial ideas to get reactions/feedback.

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My initial thought is that one-off pieces would be paid $30 for each accepted piece, as many times as you get accepted. If anyone becomes a paid subscriber specifically on your piece, you’ll also get a solid portion of that money.

For level-two involvement, I’m imagining a trial period of 3-5 posts at a paid-per-post level, followed by the opportunity to be entitled to a portion of the overall GQN revenue per month if they continue writing after the trial in a way that is meaningfully contributing to GQN as a whole.

For level-three, this would likely be negotiated privately based on how much we’d be splitting the work of managing GQN, but I imagine a partner seeing a substantial portion of GQN’s monthly revenue.

GQN isn’t a cash cow or anything, but I’m fortunate that there are over 200 people who view this work as worth paying for, and I want to pour that love back into GQN to provide reliable and consistent high-quality hope year round in a way that is sustainable for me and valuable for you!

Since the partner role will likely be responsible for writing as well, for now I’m going to set up a form for one off pieces and potential “columns” that folks are welcome to pitch. The form has all the details about requirements for length (750 words) AI use (no) and style (have fun!).

Also, if you are someone who has some experience or knowledge about scaling something like this, I would absolutely love to hear from you about what that was like and what you learned from the process. I’m also perpetually in search of book recs relevant to where I am in my life!

I’m so excited to see where Good Queer News goes from here, and please share this around with any and all talented writers who have something joyful to say!

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That’s all for now! I love you all tremendously, and can’t wait to see where we go from here.

Ready to submit your piece already? Hell yeah! Do it here:

SUBMIT!!

The past few weeks I have been going through some major personal transitions, and this weekend things started to feel very real. This led to a bit of an epiphany about somewhere I think many of us are stuck right now.

As you've likely heard me mention before, my wife started her MD/MPH in the summer of 2020, which was what originally brought me to St. Louis. Med school is rough, but nothing is rougher than the looming stress of matching into a residency program at the end of school. This year, 70,000 students hoped to match into 40,000 spots. It's rough.

We've known the whole time that after you submit your ranking list, where you end up matching isn't up to you, you just get an envelope that tells you where you're going. So moving in the spring of 2025 has been looming on the horizon since July of 2020. Generally speaking, we didn't really talk about it. Especially as the time ticked down, we continued building friendships and relationships locally, spending time in our community, and allowing the move to be a bit of an "elephant in the room". Even when we started needing to think more seriously about the different program options and places we might live, things felt tremendously abstract.

Then, match day came along. She matched to a fantastic pediatrics program at Children's Hospital of Orange County in southern California (and I'm so proud of her!) and three days later I was on a plane to California to start securing housing. We pick up the U-haul 3 weeks from today.

We started looking at furniture, brainstorming decorations. We let our friends know and we shared on social media. We found a reasonably inclusive gym, and I reached out to the local PFLAG chapters to make connections.

This weekend, when I booked the moving truck while we talked about what we wanted our post-work routine to be, it truly and fully hit me. We're moving. It's real now.

It's never been fake. The residency match process was always the road we were walking down, but it didn't feel real for years.

Dreaming of the Future

So what changed that made it real? Well, we got some more specific information when we figured out where we'd matched. We started making actual plans, started acknowledging the losses and talking about the change with loved ones, and we started to regularly envision and get excited about the future. In short, we started living like it was real.

I spend time talking to a lot of people. Some who self describe as allies, others as advocates, activists, organizers, leaders, or just as parents, kids, queer humans. A lot of people right now are feeling paralyzed, hopeless, exhausted. Even those doing a tremendous amount of great work in their communities are often surprised by my level of optimism.

Since the election, my personal sense of purpose has really crystalized. I want to provide meaningful, realistic, actionable, and achievable hope to people who were feeling like they should give up, so I've spent hours trying to figure out what forces of hopelessness I'm truly up against. I've talked about fearmongering, I've talked about resilience practices.

But I think one of the things making it hardest to deeply and truly hope is our failure to actually believe that there is a better world out there.

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Think about it. When someone tells you to put money in a savings account, or put energy into a project with a loooong timeline, or even to do things to improve the long-term health of your body, we put those things on the very bottom of our to do list.

I know what my reactions used to be: As if I'll get old enough to care about my body! As if I'll still have a planet to retire on! Ha! As if I'll still be out and loud and defiantly transgender 10 years from now!

And there it is. The vote of failure in our work. The subconscious or conscious decision that our work does not matter, and nothing we do makes a difference. The way we live, the choices we make, the "jokes" we make and the content we consume all make this belief feel real. We live like it is true that there is no future, so of course we feel paralyzed! Of course we feel unmotivated! The game is over, the score is settled, and we have lost.

"But Ben, I'm just being realistic!"

No, friend. That isn't realism. Let's critical think together for a second. Who has something to gain from you feeling that way? From you feeling angry and despondent and ready to give up?

Certainly the far right, who doesn't want to face any opposition or consequences for their bullshit. Certainly the social media companies who maximize their profit when you fight in the comments and doomscroll all day. Certainly the legacy media companies who maximize their profit when you are glued to the news all the time, "staying informed because you just can't believe how horrible it is".

They have built us a trap out hopelessness, conflict, bad news, high numbers of legislation to demoralize us, flooding the zone with shit, radicalized online spaces, and more, and we have moved into that trap and called it home. Called ourselves realists for being able to see all the "signs of total collapse" around us without taking the time to see who was standing behind those signs and propping them up.

Even as we go out to fight the good fight, protest, make trouble, make a difference, we sit with the hopelessness there in our bodies, living as if that is truth.

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How do we move out?

In short, we must make the future we want to see real. No, this doesn't mean pretending that nothing is wrong and that everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows as soon as the next presidential election is going to roll around.

I try not to put timelines on the things I'm hoping for, or to have them be hyper-specific (i.e. when this person wins the presidency, when this bill gets passed, etc.). I mostly focus on how I want to live now to set myself up to make it to that future.

How am I taking care of my body? That means stretching, it means regular movement, it means wearing a mask in high-density areas, it means preventative medicine. For me, it also means dreaming big with strategy and goals for my business as a speaker. Bigger impact, better processes, reaching more people. Setting far-off future goals. Eventually I want to attend a white house pride celebration. I want to lead an LGBTQ+ advocacy organization. It means imagining my life, actively, with plans and timelines. I'm learning how to be a better husband every day. I'm deciding what kind of father I want to be.

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I hope for a future where people are kinder, more giving, I imagine the ways community could look as we build up systems of trust and mutual aid and interdependence.

I feed that hope by both dreaming about it, envisioning big group dinners and community child-rearing, and by actually working towards it. I'm learning to become a more reliable person, to think of new ways of relying on the people I love and being reliable to them in return. I'm doing community education as often as I can to encourage others to change their approaches to.

What is the world you are fighting for? How can you make a practice of believing you will actually get there? How can you take care of yourself to make sure that you personally get to live to see the world you've fought for?

How can you exit the flashy structures of hopelessness around you? How can you opt out of fearmongering? How can you look for the good news in the world around you to take it in, with balance, along with the struggles and the fears?

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Hope is a verb. Joy is a choice. Neither are finish lines you cross only once, they must be fought for and lived for over and over again. That tomorrow will come is inevitable. What it will bring is not, so what are you doing to make tomorrow a little better than it was today?

We are building a better world. We are marching steadfastly towards it. And I want you there with me when we get there.

With love and hope as always,

Ben

This article originally published January 28th, 2025.

Hello there, lovely reader! This week, I passed a new milestone: 3,000 subscribers! What a flabbergasting number. Whether you've been here since the beginning or just joined this week, I'm so glad you're here! Thank you!! This week's edition will be action packed, so hold onto your hats.

This week's good news highlights!

• Texas’s first Black, Gay state legislator proposed to his partner in the capitol on the first day of their legislative session! No matter how much they try to define our lives with hate, we will continue to love as loudly as we can. Full Story: NBCOut, 1.14.25

• A group of 87 clergypeople in Indiana released a FIRM letter stating their support for the transgender community and urging their elected officials to do the same. Passionate allies can be found everywhere. Full story: Indiana Daily Student 1.8.25

• My list is short because I’ve spent the week out of the office doing full days of training for mental health providers in rural Vermont. But the fact that I met and reached so many individuals who were eager to learn how to practice better care, build more welcoming spaces, and better love their children is a major source of good news to me. This is a perpetual reminder coming from me: So much good news happens quietly, locally, individually, but this doesn’t make it any less critical in building the world we want to see.

The Allyship House Party!

People often ask me how I manage to talk to people who are so backwards, frustrating, infuriating, stupid, cruel, etc. How do you get through to these people?

For me, it starts with envisioning allyship as a party I'm hosting at my house. The day I came out, I extended an invitation to my party right away. Some people knew it was coming and were already setting up the decorations inside. Others were surprised, but walked through the doors right on time.

But some were late. It's two hours in, and everyone has noticed that certain individuals are not present. When Joe Schmo calls me up and says "Hey Ben, Sorry I'm late. I think I'm lost", I respond angrily "of course you're late. You're a terrible driver, just turn left!" Now, though, why on earth would Joe want to come to my party? No matter what time he arrives, it's too late, everyone's mad at him, and he's *still lost*.

For years, I thought being angry enough at someone would motivate them to come to my party, and I made blanket assumptions about why they were struggling (faith, cruelty, politics, masculinity, etc.) and gave them canned conversations hoping something would stick. Shockingly, I left each one of those conversations feeling more exhausted and much further from the progress I wanted to see.

It wasn't until I started seeing every person I spoke to as an entire human and inviting them to my party that they actually started to show up. So what does that actually look like?

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1. Constantly reminding myself that even if the best day to start being an ally was yesterday, the second best day is today. Every human reserves the right to decide to be a kinder, better person, no matter where they're starting from.

2. Recognize that many people and systems have conspired for decades to build a culture of ignorance, fear, and misinformation, and human beings are products of their environment. I'm the first transgender person so many folks think they've ever met, those stories were hidden from them as kids, ridiculed for them as teens, edited out of their history books as students, preached about as congregants, threatened at them as voters. It's going to take some time, along with a tremendous amount of courage, to truly change their worldview.

3. Ask lots and lots of questions. I can't get you directions to where I want you to go until I know where you're lost. I ask open questions and *genuinely* listen to the answers, not to jump to a response, but to understand. "It sounds like this has been very challenging for you. Tell me more about that". "It sounds like you're having a really hard time with our loved one's pronouns. I had a lot of trouble in the beginning, too. Do you have any questions I can answer? Do you want to practice together?”

4. Validate feelings, not thoughts. We don't have to say "you're right, I wish Ben would just pick a pronoun and stick to it.", but we can say "It seems like it's been pretty confusing and frustrating for you while Ben's been figuring out his pronouns!" When people feel seen, when they feel like you care about how they feel, there is so much more trust and ability to move towards growth.

5. Don't let perfect be the enemy of progress, and celebrate growth as it comes. I can't tell you how many hesitant allies I've spoken to who feel so frustrated by ever-moving goalposts that they have given up on trying at all. Here's the thing: allyship is going to be a perpetual growth journey, but that doesn't mean that you are constantly failing because there's something you could be doing better.

Find something here helpful or surprising? Don't forget to share this with a friend to help them invite others to the party too. Inclusion is a pyramid scheme!!

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Some important clarifying reminders on this:

"Ben! This is way too hand-holdingy. People should just become allies because it's the right thing to do." Okay, yes. I hear you. I would love that to be the case. AND, the people who were going to become perfect allies right away because it was the right thing to do have already done so. I'm here to talk about how to get through to the folks who are already a little (or a lot) late to the party.

"Ben, it's soooo inappropriate to just say 'don't be an angry trans person and then they'll respect us.' That's respectability politics!" You're right! That is respectability politics, and it's not helpful, which is why that is not what I'm saying. Anger is a natural and important emotion that helps us stick up for ourselves, notice where there's been hurt, and lay down boundaries. I won't tell you not to get angry at someone. BUT you can't expect your anger to be the optimal tool for facilitating the change you want to see.

Let’s try a different metaphor for a second. If I have somewhere I need to be, but I've had a few cups of wine and I'm not wearing my glasses, I shouldn't drive there. Doesn't change that I need to get there. Maybe I *could* get there blind and drunk, but I might also end up in a terrible situation where myself and others end up never making it to our destinations at all. I have to find another time, or another way.

We have to learn to check in with ourselves, notice and respect the cues our emotions give us, and how to emotionally regulate ourselves. If I notice I'm in a conversation and I'm getting angry or triggered, I no longer have access to the tools that will allow me to help this person grow, so this conversation may not be worth having right now. I should not be in this conversation any longer as it's only going to hurt us both. I need to step away and find a space where I can prioritize my own rest, peace, and regulation.

Say it again with me: Anger is self protective and important, but it is not the best facilitator of trust and growth.

I'd love to hear about what strategies or questions you've found helpful in getting through to other folks. Feel free to respond to this email, or leave a comment! (either way, these kinds of engagement are amazing at helping new folks find my newsletter and letting Substack know that people like what I'm putting out, so they decide to recommend this to others, too!)

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That’s all for now!

With love and joy as always,

Ben

This article was originally published on GQN in January 2025, and was lightly edited for clarity and quality.

I hope this finds you where you need it ❤️ Originally written March 2026.

The past two weeks have felt like their own full year to me. Anyone else? Full humanity on display here, it’s been an incredibly difficult stretch. This week in particular was one of the hardest I’ve had in a while.

For a minute there, I chalked my struggles up to something chemical. I told some of the folks in my support system that I was in “pre-depression”: some of the symptoms were starting to show up in a very real way, but it wasn’t too late to intervene. I knew I was at a turning point for either getting better or getting worse, and I knew that I couldn’t sustain how I was feeling, but I still assumed it was simply that sometimes brains get depressed (which they do!).

Yesterday, I talked to a whole collection of trans folks I love deeply and all of them voiced similar feelings: the past two weeks have felt particularly heavy, frightening, disheartening, etc. Even if they didn’t name the news, even if they tried to have good boundaries, transphobia was still a heavy shadow looming over all of us.

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When my wife and I went for our evening walk, I had a moment of clarity I’d been sorely lacking. I had perhaps been assuming that being empowered to take action, setting boundaries with my news intake, taking time to focus on good news, etc. were CURES to fear and hopelessness. Foolishly, I thought that I had been sorted into the category of “people who are not emotionally impacted by the news”. Sometimes, I think my work here contributes to that. I’ve built a brand (that I’m incredibly proud of, and that I still stand by fully, don’t worry) based on being someone who fights for joy and for hope. For many people, I am the canary in the coal mine.

Generally, it’s really meaningful to me to be that source of light. I love it. But it also creates some difficulty with asking for help. Some people hear that I have a bad day and dismiss it outright: “you’re the good news guy! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll feel better soon!” Others immediately take my struggle as a sign of the end times: “if Ben is struggling, things must be really bad. There’s no hope for the rest of us.”

Some of these are things folks have actually said to me. Others, I think, are expectations that I put on myself.

SO I have decided to spend today’s newsletter talking about bad days. I want to open up conversations around mental health, wash away guilt any of us might feel on the days we struggle, and tie things back to hope and joy as I always do.

First, to get some strong words on the page that I need to hear, and maybe you do, too:

Being hopeful and joyful does NOT mean never having a bad day, a bad week, or a bad month.

Choosing to be joyful does NOT mean pretending not to struggle.

NO ONE benefits from you pretending to be joyful all the time.

Struggling with mental health is NOT a sign that it is time to give up.

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What does it tell us when we struggle?

I’ve been holding a quote from the incredible advocate Valerie Kaur very close in my heart lately:

All of a sudden, the perspective shifts. The heaviness I am carrying in my heart is not a chemical failing; it is the beautiful, horrible, divine, connective magic of what it means to be a human who can still care. In the face of a regime trying to keep us so overwhelmed that we run out of energy to care about one another—and trying to build policy that insists we throw countless others onto the sacrificial altar of “growth”—holding deep love for the world around me is an incredible act of resistance.

This pain won’t, and can’t, come up with every issue. I think if I tried to hold the grief of every person in the world, I would collapse (as many of us have likely experienced), but total indifference won’t help either. What matters is finding a middle ground where we can genuinely, deeply, profoundly feel the hurt that is around us, then we can heal from it and get back to work building something better.

This is what it means to me to be oriented towards joy. I am not pretending that I don’t struggle, I am staring into my pain to ask “what does this teach me about being human? Where do we go from here?”

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The difference between pain and hopelessness

Lately, Kansas has been incredibly heavy on my heart. The fear that many trans people I love are experiencing is ratcheted up to terrible, unsustainable levels. To be clear, do I think things in Kansas are hopeless? Do I think things are on an irreversible slide towards disaster? No! I know we will keep fighting, we will find ways to survive. But I ALSO know this will be incredibly frightening, isolating, and painful while we fight that battle. Both things can be true at once: I can grieve with Kansas, I can know we will keep fighting back.

I’ve been feeling lots of big emotions as I stare down this latest fight: anger, exhaustion, fear, frustration, judgment, but never hopelessness. The reality is that I have no idea what is going to happen. It would be pure hubris to pretend otherwise. But I think Rebecca Solnit puts it better than I ever could:

Hope and action feed on each other. I am hopeful because I take action. I take action because I am hopeful. I do not know how things will work out, but the only way to guarantee an ending is to give up and walk away. That said, the deeper we get into despair or depression (which are different from each other!) the harder it can be to motivate ourselves to take action. Not just action for change, either. Actions like going for a walk, taking a shower, calling a friend. So how do we pull ourselves out?

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Using Joy to Heal

There’s a song I love for when I’m going through a difficult time. If you’re struggling right now, I’d recommend giving it a listen. (IT IS NOT CHILD APPROPRIATE, DESPITE THE CUTESY TITLE)

My favorite line from the song:

But here’s the thing: No one ever got happier sitting around waiting to get happier…

Every day we wake up and we get out of bed

And we get dressed

And we clean up last night’s mess

And we keep doing these things, not because they’re guaranteed to make us feel good

But because failing to do them?

Guaranteed to make us feel bad!

Being oriented towards joy also means treating myself with the same profound love I am trying to bring towards every other human being. I’ve been giving myself a lot of tenderness and asking “what do I need?” a lot. Honestly, most times I’ve asked lately I haven’t known the answer. So I’ve been trying stuff, because the depression tells me that I don’t want to do anything, that I just need to lie down and rest, and I know for me that seductive voice is trying to make things so much worse.

Here are some things I’ve been trying to do a little extra lately:

• Texting a friend to ask them to send me funny pictures they’ve taken lately

• Calling a friend to ask them to force me to go to the gym while we’re on the phone

• Committing to eating three meals a day, no matter what they are I cannot avoid eating

• Closing my eyes to listen to music that moves me, or albums I associate with better days

• Asking an artistic friend to help me do more low-stakes visual art

• NOT CANCELLING PLANS!!! Unless I can justify what need will be met by cancelling, which I never can.

• Trying to find a new therapist in California

• Telling my friends that I am struggling so they are aware

• Setting up plans to co-work, body double for cleaning, or otherwise just be around other people

• Trying out some new tarot threads to help me figure out what was hurting so badly

• Constantly blasting the album “Secret to Life” by FIZZ and dancing, singing, spinning along to it

I can’t say any of these individually have “fixed” where I am. I’m in the steep uphill part of “getting better”, to be honest. But I’m walking towards it. I am making sure people that I love know that I am walking, so I don’t have to do it alone.

If you love a trans person, make sure they know it a little extra this week.

A few other resources for folks who are struggling, or folks who want to know how to better help their loved ones:

For all the folks reading this who are struggling in their own way, know that I am right here with you. I see you, I love you, and it won’t feel like this forever. We will keep walking together. Ever forward.

All my love,

Ben

Note from Ben of September 2026: The news still impacts me. A lot. This is a good thing, and it’s heavy shit. I’ve started seeing a therapist since I wrote this, and have started working with a psychiatrist to try out psych meds for the first time! These are not supports meant to pretend the only source of anxiety is my own head, but they have provided a tremendous amount of peace and relief that reenergize me to rest, connect, and keep doing the work that matters most to me.

Healing will never be linear. Bad days happen to the best of us. I’m here with you in the muck, and I’ll be here with you on the other side of it, too. ❤️

Article originally released on GQN in March 2026, edited lightly for clarity and quality.

As the world has continued to feel like it’s coming apart at the seams, I’ve seen simultaneous increases in both vague calls to action (Get involved! Build community! Call your representatives!) and in people experiencing high rates of exhaustion, overwhelm, and burnout. More and more I’m being asked the question: “What can I do that will actually help? How can I make a difference that I can see? How will I know that the work I’m doing will mean something?”

So I think it’s prudent that we spend a little time together talking about both high-impact actions AND digging a little deeper into the unmet needs pushing us towards asking this question in the first place.

[Note from present day Ben: I usually edit the news stories out of the articles I’m re-releasing, but this one still brings me a lot of joy, especially knowing how successful these campaigns have been recently!] Something that brought me tremendous hope: Last week, over a thousand Missourians across movements—racial justice, immigrant rights, voting rights, body autonomy, workers rights, and more— joined together to force legislators to hear their voices.

The theme of this week is PEOPLE POWER.

I say this with both extreme gentleness and the firmness that the moment requires: If you are someone sitting on the sidelines and assuming there is something that fundamentally differentiates those who are taking action right now from those who aren’t, you will not find one here. The people you are seeing are not only career organizers or trained advocates, but everyday people deciding enough is enough and being willing to do something about it. Everyday people being brave enough to go to the capital for the first time. Everyday people protecting their neighbors in Minneapolis. Everyday people deciding to call their elected official every day. Everyday people figuring out what they can do best to make a difference.

Want to support my work? Consider buying me a virtual coffee!

Coffee!!!

So how do I make a difference I can see?

I get asked this question a lot. I intended to write this article weeks ago, but I found myself running into a wall over and over again. Finally I realized why: I didn’t know how to put together a list of actions to answer that question because I knew that wasn’t actually the need that was going unmet. Sure, the actions will be helpful, but I want to try to pair those actions with some important reminders.

First important reminder: Delayed gratification is a muscle that, for many of us, has atrophied. I can get my package delivered the same day I order it. I can pay an extra 3 dollars to get my food delivered within the hour. As we build up entire economies of convenience and of instant payoff, it becomes increasingly uncomfortable to do things that don’t have an immediate effect.

But actions that add up while having no immediate positive feedback—like calling your elected officials—are crucial. Take a look at some of the recent results of the flood of calls relating to the absolute horror of ICE’s behavior (and existence):

Politics Made Easy

Your. Calls. Are. Working.

If you like this article, consider becoming a paid subscriber. It keeps this newsletter free for all (paid subscribers can also attend Zooms where you can ask me anything). You can also support me by ordering my book, What Does the Constitution Actually Say…

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9 months ago · 174 likes · 14 comments · Ben Sheehan

The highlights for skimmers: democrats are changing their stances. REPUBLICANS are changing their stances. The sponsor of the bill that all these calls are protesting changed her mind and voted against her own bill. Your calls are literally tallied, and they are adding up.

Action you can see: download the app 5 calls. If you’re feeling nervous about calling your legislators, know that the first call is often the most frightening. The app will give you phone numbers, scripts, and encouragement to make phone calls about things you’re passionate about. Watch your efforts add up.

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Feeling: So many people are getting hurt

For some people, they’re asking for actions they can see because the pain of the people in the world is starting to feel overwhelming. Doesn’t anybody care? Can’t we just help each other?

If you’re feeling acutely aware of the suffering of your community, the best response is to get acutely involved in the healing of your community through local direct services and mutual aid efforts.

Ideas for you:

• Go to gofundme and search for “transition surgery” or something similar. Pick a random person who is either close to their goal or has $0. Make the biggest donation you can. Sometimes, I like to pick people where I can pay off the entire rest of their goal anonymously.

• Look up “mutual aid” + your city to find what support networks already exist (this website might have one for your area: ) and then sign up for a volunteer shift

• If ICE has arrived in your city, there is a very good chance that your immigrant and latiné neighbors do not feel safe leaving their homes. Look up local grocery delivery or companionship efforts to help them not feel so alone right now.

Reminder: At any given moment in history, a lot of people are hurting. The biggest difference now is that social media has given us constant and unrelenting insights into how much they are hurting. It is beautiful for humans to be so connected to each other, and past a certain point exposing yourself constantly to that pain will sap out every ounce of energy you have. To hold someone in their pain is a gift to give to them, but it is not free. Consider being more intentional about setting up boundaries and barriers to doomscrolling.

Feeling: Everything is getting worse

Reminder: It is not a coincidence that the sources making us feel like it’s time to give up (news, social media, hateful politicians) are the same people with a critical vested interest in us believing them. They don’t want you to win, so they don’t want you to try. Intaking high levels of news without taking any actions is shown to have devastating impacts on mental health. Give yourself permission to know less to do more. Pushing through the discomfort to start taking actions that feel doable to you is the only way to make this feel better.

There are a lot of things that might feel like they’re getting worse, so here are a few starter examples of immediate actions you can take based on things that feel particularly scary to you:

Book Bans:

• Every week, pick a different queer book by a queer author. Leave a positive review online. Reach out to the bookstores and libraries around you to ask them to stock that book (they care a lot more about requests from their own community members, and your library probably has an online form or email you can use to request books!)

Everyone is getting angrier:

• “Adopt” a local queer business. Become a regular. Learn the names of the folks working there. Make it a mission to bring one new person there every month. Regular patronage will help recirculate money through supportive businesses and your local economy. Leave a BIG ASS TIP.

• Consider getting trained in deep canvassing, one of the most incredible and effective ways to change people’s minds one at a time, person to person, on the ground. https://www.ourgroundtruth.org/

Political attacks on trans people:

• Sign up for action updates from your state-level advocacy organization. Listen to them!!

• Join a local PFLAG chapter, many of which are scaling up their efforts to get involved in local advocacy and support campaigns. If you have specific skills you want to put to use, reach out and offer them!

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I’m so frightened for the people I love

I hear you! It’s a frightening time. Rather than waiting for our loved ones to ask for help, we’re going to be proactive and enthusiastic.

What is your favorite thing to do, or to do for other people? A favor that’s particularly easy or fun for you?

Pick a few people in your life and offer that specifically.

• Do you want to go for a walk together this weekend?

• What if we picked a recipe and cooked together on facetime?

• I made too much food—can I drop some off at your house?

• I’m in the mood to break out my toolbox. Do you have anything that needs fixing?

• I’m listening to a great new audiobook while I run errands later. Any stops I can add for you?

If you need more ideas here, check out my article with a very long list of ideas to add to your support menu!

In Sum

The world as we know it is engineered to make us feel overstimulated, overwhelmed, exhausted, disconnected, etc. I’m not the first to write this. It makes sense that many of us are feeling disempowered or disheartened, but the only antidote to this is finding our way to action and, thus, to empowerment.

I know it is not fun to hear. But we cannot self care our way out of this one. Self care will be crucial for keeping our energy restored so we feel safe enough to act, but that pit you feel in your stomach? That looming hopelessness? That doesn’t go away until we start to find something we can do about it.

We are coming up against problems that were built by thousands of people with billions of dollars over hundreds of years. One person was never going to fix it—meaning the perfection or mistakes of your individual actions doesn’t actually matter. Instead, it is going to take every single one of us passing the torch, sharing the load, and doing what we can wherever we can.

But if we do it together, I know we’ll be able to get there. Give yourself some grace, give yourself some love, and tell yourself it’s time to get to work.

Any actions I missed? Share your favorite one in the comments!

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All my love as always,

Ben

This article was originally published on GQN on January 28th, 2026 and was lightly edited for clarity and quality.

This one was so fun to write and look back on. I am a huge nerd, and love the power that speculative fiction has to shape our dreams, futures, fears, and possibilities. This was originally published as a paid subscribers only article, but I’m happy to now share it with everyone! I am still so grateful to all the folks who help sustain this project.

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Once I start talking or writing or even just thinking about books, I immediately feel my blood pressure cool. This also applies to the magical companion playlists for many of my favorite science fiction stories. If you want to increase the calming sci fi magic while you read this article, check out the playlist for Monk and Robot, my favorite series of all time.

So, why science fiction?

I tell people that I read all the time, and sometimes they assume that I only read nonfiction because they’re like, “oh, you know a lot about so many things. It must be from all reading nonfiction”. And I do absolutely love a good nonfiction, but the bulk of my reading time is usually spent with what’s called speculative fiction, the combination of science fiction, fantasy, and horror. This talk was about science fiction in particular (don’t worry, there will be a follow up queer fantasy list one of these days), which I absolutely love for a variety of reasons.

People who think science fiction is pure escapism with no connection to our current world make me laugh. It has everything to do with it. At its core, science fiction allows us to take our problems and put them into fictional situations with aliens and spaceships and all this crazy stuff so that we can dream up better solutions without someone immediately saying, well, here’s why that wouldn’t work. No one’s going to debate me on realism when my book is about a bunch of aliens deciding how to take down astro-fascists. It allows us to brainstorm totally radically different ways of being, of relating to each other, and I think that’s awesome. Then once we’re thoroughly inspired, we can start to brainstorm how to bring these big ideas into the real world.

Why the focus on Queer Sci-fi?

I love science fiction, and I love queer science fiction in particular because even when I need an escape from the problems of my day to day life, I don’t need to escape from my transness. My transness isn’t a problem. It’s the rest of the world that I’m trying to leave behind. Now I’m not someone who’s loved queer science fiction my entire life because I’m not someone who’s *known about* queer science fiction my entire life. But in 2020, I was gifted by my family a private browsing session at my local bookstore, Left Bank Books in Saint Louis, and everything changed.

I went in for my browsing appointment, and I looked around for a little while. I had just started getting back into reading and wasn’t sure what would reignite that childhood book devouring that had defined my young life. Nervously, I went to the front desk and said,

“Hey. I know this might be a little weird, and it’s totally fine if not. But I was just curious. Are there any science fiction or fantasy books that have trans protagonists? I don’t even know if that’s a real thing.”

The person there started to laugh, and she grinned and said, “buddy, everyone who works here is trans.” And all of a sudden, two other people come out from the back of the store, and the next thing I know, they’ve shepherded me downstairs to the science fiction and fantasy section. They’ve plopped me down in a chair and are now running around the store collecting all of their favorite queer and trans books for me, and it was magical. There was so much possibility being formed in that moment. They gave me more books than I could possibly afford, and I certainly didn’t buy all of them. But I did buy more than I could afford. Sooo worth it.

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They were so absolutely over the moon at the opportunity they had to show me these incredible stories. I went home and immediately read those books, I fell into the arms of Sarah Gailey and Becky Chambers and NK Jemisin, and my brain felt like it was stretching to see whole new galaxies, metaphorically and literally. From there, I was all in on queer science fiction and fantasies.

These books and countless others brought me tremendous joy, tremendous peace, tremendous inspiration as a movement leader, and a vision of myself as an author with books that local booksellers can’t wait to hand to someone wondering if there are any stories about people like us.

If you take nothing else away from this article, by the way, I hope you internalize that independent bookstores are a gem, and change and save lives in very real ways, and librarians and booksellers are the closest things we have to superheroes. If you read this newsletter and are a bookseller or librarian, you are basically a celebrity to me. If you want to order any of the books I’m going to recommend in part two of this newsletter, I hope you’ll order them from Left Bank Books in St. Louis or go pick it up from your own neighborhood indie bookstore!

Joyful Imagination!

Octavia Butler, one of my favorite joyfully imaginative revolutionary authors once said: “I never bought into my invisibility as a black person. As a woman and as an African American, I wrote myself into the world. I wrote myself into the present, the future, and the past.” This is exactly what we’re doing with joyful imagination. Science fiction gives us the paintbrush, the paints, and the canvas to envision totally new ways of being and connect these visions to as many people as possible.

Dystopian and Revolution Fiction

One of the most well known categories of science fiction is dystopian and revolution narratives. These stories, in part, gift us with a blueprint for fighting back. They also show us that we can, in fact, survive even when things feel so dramatically fallen apart. These are stories that include a slice of life, or a romance plotline, or a personal dream, someone having hobbies and personality traits. Even when the world falls apart, you still can exist and live while we fight to make things better.

On the flip side to that, dystopian science fiction also gives us an opportunity to show people real fears in a way they’re more likely to engage with. In 2008, if you’d tried to tell people that an overreliance on screens and technology was going to disconnect us and ruin our planet, you’d be laughed out of the room and would reach, at best, a few hundred people. But by releasing WALL-E, which shared the same fears, countless people engaged with and internalized the dystopia that movie represented.

Storytelling gives people a safe container to engage with the “what if”, and makes them so much more likely to explore those possibilities rather than just sitting with the cognitive dissonance of not worrying about what happens we keep using AI to write all our emails.

Here are a few examples of some of my favorite queer dystopian revolution stories.

Dystopian & Revolution Recs

The Fifth Season by NK Jemisin

• One sentence pitch: Epic sci fi/fantasy genre-bender about othering, fear, power, family, and the end of the world.

• Quote: “I don’t give a shit what the something-somethingth council of big important farts decreed, or how the geomests classify things, or any of that. That we’re not human is just the lie they tell themselves so they don’t have to feel bad about how they treat us.”

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

• One sentence pitch: The horrors and revolution of the antebellum south set on a massive spaceship.

• Quote: “I am a boy and a girl and a witch all wrapped into one very strange, flimsy, indecisive body. Do you think my body couldn’t decide what it wanted to be?”

A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine

• One sentence pitch: Hardcore imperial space politics, drama, murder, brain sharing, intrigue, revolution.

• Quote: “We’re arrested. But—fuck it. Let’s unarrest ourselves.”

This is How you Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

• One sentence pitch: Two time-traveling secret agents on opposing sides of a time-bending war between technology and nature leave each other secret notes and fall in love.

• Quote: “I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. Listen to me. I am your echo. I would rather break the world than lose you.”

The Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin

• One sentence pitch: Brilliant physicist from an anarchist commune planet decides to visit the capitalist society to exchange ideas. Contradiction, connection, and revolution ensue.

• Quote: “You cannot buy the revolution. You cannot make the revolution. You can only be the revolution. It is in your spirit or it is nowhere.”

Solarpunk

In addition to “end of the world” types of stories, the genre of solarpunk shows us what a better, more beautiful world could look like. Solarpunk often includes rich pictures of survival, beautiful integrations between technology and nature, and found family. Solarpunk encourages us to imagine something kinder, and to imagine ourselves living within that world.

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Solarpunk has a real track record of encouraging people to think of new ways to be hopeful, like climate activism book “What if we Get it Right?”, “earthship” houses meant to be totally self contained, or stories of people repurposing old stadiums to become beautiful green spaces.

Solarpunk Recs

The Monk and Robot Duology by Becky Chambers

• One sentence pitch: Nonbinary tea monk learns to take a break, while a wild robot joins them to learn what humanity needs.

• Quote: “No matter what, I’m wonderful.”

Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey

• One sentence pitch: Revolutionary wild-west librarians cross the country to distribute banned books

• Quote: “Fight the State. Be a Librarian.”

Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aioki

• One sentence pitch: Young trans violinist makes a deal with the devil in exchange for violin lessons and a safe place to live. Found family, romance, and donuts ensure.

• Quote: “With no need for a beginning, nor any reason to end, the music continues. And so, no matter who you are, where you came from, what sins you have committed or hurt you have endured... when you are alone and there is no universe left to remember you. You can always, always rewrite your song”

It’s also worth noting that while most of the things we do in our regular lives don’t feel solar punk because they feel normal given that they are part of our real, day to day lives, it’s actually extremely cool that electric cars are becoming so common. It’s amazing that we have solar and wind and water powered energy and that these energies are beginning to surpass coal, oil, and gas.

Your community garden where you gather every week for potlucks and organizing meetings and you share food systems and you use technology to help you plan the right foods to plant and when based on our ability to predict the weather for a YEAR? that’s solar punk! Building resilient communities outside of the state is solarpunk as hell!!!

What other books do you think everyone needs to read in the joyful imagination category? Give us your best one sentence pitch or a favorite quote! I’m optimistic that this comment section is going to break my TBR.

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The End… For now

Rest assured that you will continue to hear lots more of my thoughts on books, sci fi, and all things nerdy joy. For now, I’ve already spent more hours than I care to admit researching this, staring longingly at my bookshelf, and reconnect with old friends (also books), and I need to get back to work!

This article was originally published here on November 10th, 2025 and was edited for clarity and quality (lol).

Like last time, here are a few categories:

1. 5 Attitude adjustments

2. 5 Electoral actions

3. 5 Ways to expand our knowledge

4. 5 Places to get involved

5. 5 Actions for direct support

Ok, let’s get into it!

Five Attitude adjustments

I couldn’t think of the perfect name for this section, so this will have to do. These are five ways to reframe the ways we’re thinking about allyship, and the things that might hold us back.

1. Your voice as an ally MATTERS! I meet a lot of allies who feel guilty for speaking up, or like it isn’t their place. I promise, I do a happy dance every time I meet an ally helping to share the load of speaking up with me.

2. You don’t have to be an expert to start! Sometimes people get so caught up in feeling nervous about language or not knowing everything that they keep reading books waiting to feel like they know enough. There’s always more to learn, but there’s work to do today.

3. You can join another movement and make sure they’re being trans inclusive! If you’re in voting rights, or bodily autonomy, or climate justice, or racial justice, or any other movements, it’s incredibly impactful to make sure they aren’t forgetting about intersections with the trans community in those rooms!

4. Disempowerment and empowerment are both cyclical emotions. If we do not act, we do not believe our actions can make a difference, so we do not act, so we do not see a difference. The only way to break that cycle is to DO SOMETHING!

5. You may never feel fully “ready”. Here’s the secret: none of us do. No one is coming to save us but us, folks.

Five Electoral actions

Everyone has lots of opinions about electoral politics, so what I will say in brief is that I do not think they are the silver bullet solutions to our problems. Electoral politics create the conditions in which we fight for change. Sometimes it’s just harm reduction, while other times it’s a city council having the votes not to renew their Flock contract, or a school board refusing to ban queer stories, or a state legislature that’s broken their supermajority and doesn’t have the votes to pass an anti trans law.

1. Learn your state’s voter registration deadline. Until that date, start every conversation by asking everyone if they’re registered to vote. Drop the link to register in your work Slack. Add it to your church’s mailing list or your sports newsletter.

2. Volunteer to text bank and ask people if they’re registered to vote or sign up to register people IRL in your community.

   1. If you do this with Headcount, you can even get free concert tickets out of it!

3. Democrats seem to be treating these midterms like a referendum on progressive versus centrist futures of the democratic party. That means there are a lot of really cool candidates. Learn about some of them here! Pick one and donate to their campaign!

4. There are also a lot of candidates that are uncool or just kind of boring. They live and die by polling and what their potential constituents want, so tell them! Reach out to them on social media, email, phone call, or show up to a campaign event to make sure they know their potential voters want to see them show up for the trans community.

5. If the future of the democratic party feels like a really important issue to you, join the state or local Democratic Party who’s shaping many of those important decisions.

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Five Ways to expand our knowledge

It’s great to learn more, and remember that the learning only matters if you use it to act. There will always, always be more to learn. And we will learn while we act, not just before.

1. Unsure how to move public opinion on trans people? Start with this incredible recorded event on the Trans Organizing Narrative Shift project!

2. Struggling to stay emotionally regulated while having challenging conversations? Check out this amazing book by Valerie Kaur titled: See No Stranger, a Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love This book is a cornerstone of my effectiveness as an advocate.

3. Check out the newly released Blue Canary Project for parents of trans kids to work their way towards stronger support of their loved ones!

4. Curious about how to reach people deep in the rabbit hole? Check out this recorded webinar with Rick Logis, the founder of “Leaving MAGA”!

5. Looking for small ways to make advocacy a habit as part of your life? You are the right audience for the Chop Wood, Carry Water Daily Newsletter!

Five Places to get involved

I know, technically, this isn’t a list of actions, but a lot of people tell me that they feel really frozen because they’re not sure where to actually start.

1. Many faith congregations have some kind of justice committee or book club that you can join or galvanize to action!

2. Ask an independent bookseller or librarian. They know what’s up.

3. Join a local PFLAG chapter!

4. Farmers markets or local craft fairs frequently have different nonprofits tabling, individuals handing out flyers, or cool people you can chat with to learn about what kinds of work is happening!

5. ‘Ol reliable: Reddit. Your city/metro area likely has a dedicated forum, that you might be able to post in or read through the post history to learn where the advocacy is happening. Just exercise caution, because it’s the internet and people don’t usually know how to behave

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Five Actions for direct support

If you’ve got a specific person in your life that you know and love and want to help out right now, here are a few extra tips (in addition to all the great ones in the first list tagged at the top of this article) on how to support them.

1. If you know a trans person who’s looking for a job, go through your LinkedIn network or your Rolodex or however you keep track of who you know professionally to think of everyone you can introduce them to. The job market is brutal for everyone, and trans and gender expansive people who were already being regularly left out of professional spaces may be facing even more difficulty.

2. Invite them to go to nature with you. Nature is good for everyone.

3. Buy them a copy of your favorite book by a trans author.

4. Send them hopeful news stories whenever you see them!

5. When you are out in the world taking action for trans rights, take a selfie and send it to them. When a loved one lets me know that they’re taking action to protect my community without me needing to tell them specifically to do it, it makes my heart sing. Show your loved one how big their network of allies is!

I know I’m not the only trans person reading this newsletter though! For all my trans folks in the crowd, what other things would you love to see from allies and loved ones? What specific actions can folks take that would make the biggest difference for you?

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You made it all the way to the end! Thanks for sticking to it with me. As a reward, here is a picture of Oliver: the Chief Barketing Officer for Good Queer News.

For your inspiration pleasure, here’s an interview with Mia Schachter, creator of Consent Wizardry! Don’t forget to check out their 3-month entrepreneurship incubator here. Applications are accepted until August 22nd!

Ben: Mia!! Let’s start with the story. How did you get into running your own business?

Mia: It was totally an accident. I had trained to be an intimacy coordinator and I was fascinated by what I was learning about consent. This was in 2019 so I only did it for a year before sets shut down for Covid in 2020. I was twiddling my thumbs in my childhood bedroom asking myself, “What on earth can I offer my community from home?” and then I realized I could teach consent. I posted about a class on Instagram and much to my surprise, given that we couldn’t touch each other at the time, 10 people signed up. Then they wanted more, and people who didn’t make it asked me to offer it again. It snowballed and became Consent Wizardry, the school I run to this day. I didn’t start the business on purpose but I don’t regret it. I love working for myself, making my own schedule, and making a living off of my mind, my ideas. I pretty much invented my job and I get to change it as I want to, too.

Ben: That’s bold!! I love that for you. I know a lot of people have a lot of impostor syndrome about stuff like that. Where did your confidence come from?

Mia: My dad has run his own business most of my life, so I had him as a resource. His dad ran his own business, too, so I guess it runs in the family a little bit. I also hired a business coach, Dez Davis, and that was so incredibly helpful. Just to have a person whose role was to help me spitball and try things out, as well as help me hone my own judgment and instincts. But to be honest, I was a baby entrepreneur at 12 years old. I was baking banana muffins to sell at school during lunch in 7th grade. I learned to make jewelry in high school and was selling it. I used to make all the birthday gifts I’d give friends. I made my own lotions and shampoos in my 20’s—not to sell but just for me. I then turned my ceramics hobby into a business at 27 and I felt somewhat equipped to do that because I had assisted a jewelry designer a few years prior who showed me how to invoice, make a lookbook of wholesale items, and so on. It was a bit of a hodge podge of experiences. But I certainly never thought, “I want to be an entrepreneur” or even run my own business and definitely never had any formal training.

Ben: Yes!! I relate to that a lot. I kind of just fell in to running my business and then was always looking for people I could ask more questions to.

I don’t know about you but I made a lot of mistakes in my first years of business. Looking back on those early days, what do you wish you’d known?

Mia: I learned pretty quickly that I was the one responsible for holding my own boundaries around time. If I want to take time off, a vacation, a lunch break even, I was the only one who was going to make that happen. I still struggle with that. I wish I’d known that the adage “do a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is total bullshit. Because when you do a job you love, the risk is that you will always be working and it’ll be really hard to stop. When I get a great idea at 10pm, I have to restrain myself from opening my computer. “But it’s fun” doesn’t mean it’s not work, and if I start writing at 10pm or drafting a new post for IG, my wheels start turning and it’s harder to sleep. Plus, there’s always stuff you just never want to do, and now you’re responsible for that. Some of it you can outsource, like bookkeeping, or even marketing, outreach, etc. But a lot of it you have to do. Like your bank will only talk to you with your social security number. Only you can handle your health insurance stuff. There’s also a lot of stuff that’s very hard to let go of control of, like I really feel like I have to do my own social media so it’s in my voice and my aesthetic, even if I don’t want to. I have to do my own communications via email when people cold email me. I’ve had assistants in the past but I still have to do a lot of it myself.

I learned that when pricing my offerings, I’m not just asking people to pay for the time they get with me. They’re paying for my entire backend operations: my website, my video course hosting site, my unpaid time I spend on marketing and Instagram which is where most of my clientele comes from, my CPA fees, the $800 I pay yearly to the state just for existing as an S-Corp…this all gets factored into my prices. People don’t want to think they’re paying for this, but anytime anyone buys anything—a shirt, a flight, a tomato—they’re covering all those costs.

I also went through a certain amount of embarrassment about the self-righteousness I had when I was an employee, as a barista, where I thought I knew how my boss should be operating their business even though I had not experienced doing so myself. Now that I was running my own business, I understood much better a lot of the regulations and protocols and profit splits and I had to get through that period of feeling like, “Wow I was pretty judgmental and naïve.” I try to be less so now, but I’ve also been on the receiving end of that same kind of scrutiny from much younger aspiring entrepreneurs and I’ve had to come to peace with that. I see myself in them and I try to be gentle and kind.

Ben: Oh gosh I resonate with a lot of that. Being your own boss can so quickly become never getting to really take any time off. You gotta go hardcore with those boundaries!!

What advice would you give somebody who is at the very beginning of their journey with this?

Mia: Ask yourself what kind of boss you want to be, and then practice on yourself as your first employee. If you want to offer paid vacation time, let people take doctors’ appointments during the work day, provide financial support for education and R+D, or anything else, practice doing this with yourself. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

Ben: It’s really not!! Okay, last but not least, give us the pitch for your new program!

Mia: If you feel stifled working for other people and want to feel freer to express yourself authentically and get paid well for work you love, we can help you figure out your business plan, what you do and don’t do, who your work is for, how to set rates, market yourself, and build your brand identity without crashing out.

If you run a business and you feel you’ve hit a wall, want to rebrand, need community support, want to feel more creative in your work, or just need some accountabilibuddies, we can help you figure out next steps while connecting you with business experts in finance, social media, content creation, marketing, strategy, and more to help you feel more confident putting yourself and your business out there.

If you feel like a jack of all trades and master of none, if you feel like you do too many things and they’re not related at all (they probably are!), if you feel like you’re supposed to choose just one career, goal, artistic medium, or idea and you want to feel like an integrated, whole person with a coherent and cohesive business who never gets bored, you’re gonna like it here.

Not sure if this program is right for you? Email us!

Ready to apply? Click here!

September 8th to December 8th, Tuesdays and Thursdays, 6-8pm PT / 9-11pm ET.

All on Zoom.

Applications due August 22.

Let’s start with unpacking the bad news. On Tuesday evening, HHS issued a new rule banning federal funding for gender affirming care for youth under 18 through medicaid and under 19 through CHIP. (If you’ve seen other headlines about HHS and gender affirming care lately, these have been proposals or letters. This is the first rule actually to go into effect—this one on October 13th.

What the rule doesn’t do:

• The rule has no impact on the use of a given state’s allocated medicaid and CHIP funding, so some families may still be able to receive coverage of care

• It won’t stop hrt care right away; the rule includes a 6-month grace period of coverage after the 10/13 start date for hormone therapy that’s already been started

• While the rule will make gender affirming care more difficult to access, it is not a ban and has no civil or criminal penalties for providers, parents, or patients.

On a larger scale, something worth noting is that this rule is one of two originally proposed by HHS. There was a second rule that was much, much worse but after a string of court losses and nearly 30,000 public comments against its proposal, that rule was quietly scrapped last month. This was cause for a huge sigh of relief.

HHS and the DOJ have spent most of the second Trump presidency using that potential rule as a blunt force weapon to intimidate hospitals into precomplying and stopping care as we’ve seen around the country. The rule they have finalized, while still terrible, is nowhere near as bad.

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That said, some hospitals may use this as an excuse to stop providing care even though it does not in any way require them to do so. If you have a first hand account of a hospital that has stopped providing care due to this rule, please let me know and I will connect you to the appropriate resources ASAP. Knowledge is power!!

Resources:

• For trans youth and their families struggling to access care due to cost, state restrictions, or a lack of nearby hospitals providing care: https://southernequality.org/tyep/

• For trans adults struggling with access to non-medical transition resources like IDs, wigs, medical tattooing, prosthetics, and more, Point of Pride has opened up applications for their annual THRIVE fund with microgrants to trans folks up to $2,500 each. Applications are open until August 31st! Throughout the year, they also have lots of other applications for grants to cover HRT, surgery, shapewear, and more.

• Do you have other resources you’d like to share? Let us know in the comments!

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Knowledge is Power!

“Staying Informed” can feel like a daunting, torturous prospect these days. For me, I lean heavily towards learning about problems from the people already working on solutions. I love attending the various webinars held by organizations I believe in that focus less on fearmongering and more on the actions I can feel empowered to take.

If you feel overwhelmed or frightened thinking about what the future of trans healthcare in the US might be, I encourage you to learn more from folks who are deeply in the know. In a few weeks, FUTR (families united for trans rights), is hosting a phenomenal webinar on the present and future of healthcare in the trans community. The event will be held Wednesday, August 26, from 8:00 - 9:00 p.m. ET / 5:00 - 6:00 p.m. PT, featuring Dr. Diane Ehrensaft (founder of the UCSF Adolescent and Gender Center) and Kellan Baker (Senior Advisor for Health Policy at the Movement Advancement Project).

Register here!

Last but certainly not least, a few quick hits of great news stories:

1. In Michigan, Joanna Whaley has won her primary and become the first trans woman nominated to the state legislative body!

2. The inimitable KB Brookins has a great roundup of all the wonderful trans news that doesn’t suck here:

   Trans News That Doesn't Suck

   We Love You, Cheryl Reeve

   Friends, foes, and other h*es…

   Read more

   3 months ago · 34 likes · 6 comments · KB Brookins

3. PFLAG National has launched a great new voting campaign called “Turning Pride Into Power!” If you’re looking to get more involved as a queer person or ally, consider joining your local chapter and getting involved with the campaign!

That’s all I’ve got for you today. Keep finding ways to build empowerment and community—sitting at home alone is a surefire way to make us think we’re isolated and powerless.

I’m also working on another deep dive piece to come out some time next week. Which of the following would be most interesting to you?

Okay, thanks y’all! I couldn’t do this without your support, and I promise there will always be more good news to share. Don’t give up hope.

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All my love,

Ben

I think these strategies really helped make the crash less terrible than it could have been, but it came all the same, and it was brutal. I still had a week and a half left to go of pride and had just landed in St. Louis for a five day adventure with 12 events on the books.

Before we get further into the burnout toolkit part 2, I want to share one of my favorite good news stories from the past week: Four republicans voted with all democrats to affirm that transgender people should be allowed to join the military! However you might feel about the American military complex, seeing republicans cross the party line to vote for the dignity of transgender servicemembers is a win in my book.

The Crash

I realized pretty quickly upon arriving in St. Louis that I was not well, and a really important part of supporting yourself through a burnout crash is being able to identify that you’re in it.

Within twenty four hours of arriving, three of my most trusted friends had all independently told me that I had never looked so tired in my life, and they were very worried about me. Here I was, thinking I was putting on some excellent display of energy and commitment. And my god, what a relief it was to put that down and be a real person.

So once I had accepted that it was going to be a rough week, what were my “airbags” that I could use to be in survival mode without having much room to actually slow down yet?

• Assign jobs to my loved ones. When I get stressed out, I forget to eat, and I’m not great about drinking water when I’m running from place to place. I specifically requested the people I would be around most keep me accountable and ask me constantly whether I was eating and drinking.

• SLEEP! Usually, I’m someone who avoids naps. When I’m struggling with other mental health lows, naps tend to make me feel more depressed. But I knew that this flavor of exhaustion was not the same as the depression urge to climb into bed and stay there. I needed to sleep. And so I popped in for as many tiny naps as I could squeeze in, went to bed earlier than usual, and prioritized rest in a very different way than normal.

• Feed my heart. I knew that I would have time in July, fortunately, to recover. My focus that week was on survival. For me, this meant ICE CREAM!! I love ice cream, and spent the week doing whatever little things I could do to bring myself some joy.

• Be outside. Sometimes, our stresses can make the borders between ourselves and the rest of the world feel really intense. We feel isolated, disconnected, and hopeless. When I feel like that, I go tell my problems to trees that are waaaaay older than me and birds that don’t stop flying to try to fix it. Sometimes it’s great to talk to the people we love. But sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that the world will keep turning, and the sun can patiently dry my tears for me.

• Say no to stuff (a lot) I had 12 hard commitments when I got to St. Louis on top of a much larger list of things I was hoping to do. People I wanted to grab a coffee and catch up with, favorite places I wanted to visit, things I wanted to write about, etc. Once I realized I was mid-crash, I did almost zero of these things, and guess what, it was fine! I shared honestly (and briefly) with my friends why I wasn’t free. They love me anyways, so I went back to sleep.

• Meditative arts and crafts The friends I stayed with in the city were the proud owners of the button machine for our PFLAG chapter, which is basically just a crank. I would be lying if I told you that it healed me to know that I was doing an action that would make so many people happy. People really do love the buttons, but to be honest with you, the healing of the button machine had nothing to do with the impact of the buttons and everything to do with how nice it is to turn my brain all the way off. Making pin after pin, sitting quietly in the sun and staring at a really pretty houseplant was a kind of meditative state that was really peaceful.

Next week, I’ll write about part 3 of this journey: the recovery. I’ve spent the better part of July putting myself back together, recharging my energy, and figuring out what I want the second half of this year to look/feel like.

If you know someone on their own burnout recovery journey, send this their way to give them a little extra love. Then read this article about how to show up for someone and actually help!

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The world is exhausting, and demands on our time, attention, and empathy are constant and overwhelming. I know I’m not the only one by a long shot to have fallen deep into the clutches of burnout, and I hope my openness and the strategies that have helped me might find their way to you, too.

Since I know most folks are not wanting to read a loooong article these days (myself included, more often than not!) I am going to break this down into a couple of parts.

If you’re new here, don’t forget to subscribe to get the rest of the series over the next couple of weeks!

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Part 1: Yellow Lights

Early in the month, as some of you may have read, I passed out at the gym during a normal workout. It was a huge, screaming red flag to me that I hadn’t been properly taking care of myself (particularly as it pertained to remembering to eat or drink). I started to be more thoughtful about my food and water intake, but that could only help so much.

As the month progressed, I had more and more travel and speaking engagements and could feel myself becoming more tired. Something that’s important to me on my mental health journey is learning how to identify my “yellow lights”. Basically, what signals does my body send me that something needs to change?

Listening to and noticing these signals then allowed me to start taking action. I knew that not everything about my month was changeable, and that there would likely be a crash and a recovery to come, but there were some things I could start to do right away to mitigate how challenging that crash would be.

Here are a few of my personal yellow lights, and the things I tried to make it a bit better. In the realm of the first aid kit, these are the band aids. Not at all long term solutions, but they helped me scrape through a difficult time without making it worse.

• Signal: I was seriously struggling to concentrate, and frequently switching between tasks. Even if I was getting done a task that was time-sensitive, important, or enjoyable, I felt a constant, anxious restlessness.

  • Band-aid: This was honestly a really tough one, and I spent a lot of time talking this through with my therapist (whom I increased my session frequency with for the month). I had to give myself grace to be less productive.

• Signal: My sleep got way, way worse. It took longer to fall asleep, was harder to stay asleep, and when I woke up my brain was already working—it was like I was showing up halfway through a meeting every morning!

  • Band-aid: Melatonin, more screen time rules around bedtime, and planning my days so that when I got exhausted at 3 I had already finished my to do list and could take a break until dinnertime. I also picked more calming books for my pre-sleep reading time.

• Signal: Caffeine had much worse effects on me, and instead of helping me wake up it made me terribly anxious.

  • Band-aid: Caffeine ban. This one is still in effect.

• Signal: I wasn’t finding joy in things I usually loved to do, like writing articles for good queer news, emailing people about book recommendations, or giving speeches about my favorite topics

  • Band-aid: Not forcing it. I looked at my normal commitments, projects, and habits, and if something wasn’t mission-critical, I wasn’t going to work on it during June.

• Signal: I am usually a very, very patient person, but I found myself much quicker to get frustrated at friends, family, myself, even my audiences! Yikes.

  • Band-aid: Asking my loved ones to help keep me accountable to noticing this behavior, and helping me slow it down.

• Signal: My social media and scrolling cravings became way, way stronger. For me, identifying that my social media use was a capital A- Addiction has been an important part of my boundary setting. It gives me the tools to understand that, like with other forms of addiction, these cravings will be particularly strong at times when I’m feeling exhausted, stressed, or vulnerable.

  • Band-aid: Make the boundaries stricter. On my social media blocking apps, I turned up the amount of time I was required to wait before using these apps/websites from 20 seconds to 60 seconds. I also did not allow myself to re-download the apps onto my phone and could only use them as websites.

• Signal: People I loved were mentioning to me that they were worried about me. They said I seemed more tired, stressed out, and less present than usual. I felt myself simultaneously grateful they were noticing and scared of what that meant.

  • Band-aid: Resisting the urge to pull away and forcing myself to keep a small number of social plans with people I felt most able to open up to, but taking time at the beginning to be candid about how much I was struggling.

Critically, a lot of these band-aids are ultimately about gentleness and comfort. I wasn’t really trying to start brand-new habits as much as I was leaning into older ones, and finding ways to structure my day that meant I felt less guilty about my lessened energy levels. Spending more time in parks than coffeeshops made it easier to avoid buying a coffee, and removing the social media apps from my phone meant the urge to scroll wasn’t as present because the option wasn’t available.

I also knew that none of this could happen alone, however much the urge to isolate called to me. I didn’t set ambitious expectations for maintaining constant phone calls and text threads, but I tried to avoid spending too much time alone or in spaces where I needed to pretend I was doing okay.

None of these were long-term fixes, but I also wasn’t in a moment where I had time or energy for a long term fix. It was important to me to know that moment was coming in July, and we can’t push healing off forever, but it’s still important to know what your band aids are.

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I’ve been spending the beginning of July checking in with myself, figuring out how to start recovering my energy and setting up some new boundaries so I don’t stretch quite so far past empty again.

While the official announcement is still pending a finished contract, this summer is going to be spent largely focusing on hitting the deadline for my next book!! I’m attempting to put together a modified “sabbatical” to allow me to prioritize writing and re-building my dwindling energy reserves.

I’m figuring out what, exactly, my publishing schedule will be for Good Queer News during that time. I’d like to still be publishing somewhat regularly, but tbd what exactly that will look like. We’ll figure it out together!

Just because I haven’t had the time to sit and write about it doesn’t mean good news isn’t happening constantly! Let’s get into it!

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Onto the Good Stuff!

In the courts:

• Florida has been blocked from enforcing the 2022 Stop WOKE act, which will protect the free speech rights of university professors and students!

• Yet another federal judge has blocked the Trump administration’s attempts to subpoena the medical records of trans youth who received gender affirming care!

• A group of professors, along with Lambda Legal, are suing Texas Tech University over their outrageous curriculum censorship policies

• The elephant in the room on court rulings is, of course, the awful BPJ ruling on trans athletes. The ruling does not enact new bans in any states without sports bans, but it does allow existing sports bans to continue. I have found this piece by Sebastian Barr to be a gentle bolster as I react to this painful, but expected, ruling.

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In the statehouses:

• New Jersey is the latest blue state to pass a shield law protecting the healthcare and privacy of patients and providers of gender affirming care and reproductive healthcare.

• Illinois has passed additional robust protections for trans and queer residents, and they continue to lead the charge in showing what creative ways blue states can defend their people. Hell yeah midwest!

• State legislative sessions continue to end, giving advocates room to breathe. Hundreds of proposed bills are left dead on the floor, and our total number of bills passed nationally is far lower than it’s been in previous years. The goal is zero bad bills, but I’m proud that our skills and manpower for fighting back just keep getting better and better.

• Gavin Newsom has finally signed the proposed California budget that includes $26 million dollars for protecting transgender healthcare! There is also a $30 million dollar line to protect access to reproductive healthcare. This is in large part due to extensive lobbying efforts from trans rights orgs on the ground like trans family support services!

And don’t forget: I’m not the only source of good news out there! For a more robust “stack” of hope-forward news, check out:

• Trans news that doesn’t suck (and the page KB is partnering with for this article, called “Amplifying Trans Joy”!!!)

  Trans News That Doesn't Suck

  A Case for Trans Joy

  Author’s note: Yo! I know y’all are used to getting a list of news every week, but this is a special newsletter, co-written with the fabulous Jin of Amplifying Trans Joy. I said in my last newsletter that I’m trying out new things with the paid tier; these are the types of things I imagine for it! I’m making this post av…

  Read more

  4 months ago · 16 likes · 2 comments · KB Brookins

• Jess Craven, who posts short daily actions you can take to make a difference plus a weekly Sunday roundup of wins all over the country

  Chop Wood, Carry Water

  Extra! Extra! 7/5

  Hi, all, and happy Sunday…

  Read more

  4 months ago · 513 likes · 78 comments · Jess Craven

• Run for Something, an organization helping recruit and elect young progressives in local races, has a weekly “Feel Good Update” with their most hopeful wins!

Run for Something feel-good updates

RFS feel-good update (7/6): Welcome back!

Hi all …

Read more

4 months ago · 24 likes · 1 comment · Amanda Litman

• Good Climate News, which is exactly what it sounds like!

  Good Climate News

  Edition 46: July 10, 2026

  French Court Orders Fossil Fuel Company to Stop hiding Customer Emissions…

  Read more

  4 months ago · 29 likes · 5 comments · Alaina Wood

• Of course all time reigning hope-champs: Good, Good, Good who have a daily newsletter of good news stories as well as a monthly physical good newspaper with reasons to be hopeful! I cannot recommend them enough.

Okay, keeping things short and sweet today. Do you have any hopeful stories from pride month that are getting you excited? I am always eager to hear about what’s happening (the more locally the better!) in your world.

Leave a comment

Keep looking for the joy, folks. It’s always out there!

We’re 11 days into pride month, I hope you all have been finding moments for celebration! For some reason, on June 1^st, I set about planning an ambitious content calendar for the first time—something that has never worked for me in the past but hey, maybe it’s time to try it during my busiest month of the year!

One of the funniest, and most apt words to describe that frame of mind is “hubris”. I generally like to write my articles and books in plain, accessible language, but sometimes a hoity-toity word is just too perfect to pass up.

The dictionary defines it as “excessive pride/confidene”, but I like the Greek tragedy definition better: excessive pride/confidence to the point of defiance of the pantheon of Greek gods, usually invoking a response from Nemesis, the goddess of divine punishment and revenge.

In my utter hubris, I planned out 2-3 articles a week on top of multiple trips a week, multiple presentations a day, for all 30 days of June. I started working with a new trainer at the gym, told myself I would be able to run a 5k without any walking by the end of the month, AND that I wanted to start setting a higher bar for organization in my house.

If there is some kind of transgender pantheon (a la the delightful book Future Feelings by Joss Lake), Nemesis is a drag queen, and she came to squash me under her Louboutin.

This is a roundabout and dramatic way to say that last week, I passed out at the gym.

It wasn’t even that hard a workout, but I hadn’t eaten or drank enough, hadn’t been sleeping enough, and had pushed myself too hard. Luckily, my trainer caught me and laid me down until I woke up, I was checked out by the paramedics, and then my brilliant, beautiful doctor wife came and picked me up for an afternoon of R&R.

Talk about a wake up call! I’m feeling a lot better now, but I also recognize that I got really lucky last week. What if I’d been on a dangerous piece of equipment when I’d passed out? What if I’d been driving? This isn’t something I can allow to happen again. I spent the remaining days of last week focusing on eating enough food, drinking enough water, resting extra, and asking myself to look more closely at which of my to do list items were actually urgent. I’m rereading some favorite queer books, and some outstanding new books, too. Mid-way through an intense week of travel, I’m still keeping these things at the top of my priority list.

I’ll still be doing my best, at a more measured pace, to send out some great writing this month, but it won’t be nearly as ambitious as it was originally planned. I’d love to save you all some trouble: feel free to borrow my “sign” as your own. Have you been eating enough? Had water yet today? What conditions allow you to feel fully rested?

Don’t worry, I won’t leave you yet without a few major top ups of hope for the road.

1. If you’ve been following me for a hot minute, you know I’m obsessed with the GoodNewspaper and the free newsletter version Good Good Good. For their pride edition, I have a featured article on 50 things you can do to support trans people!! AND I was able to partner with them to make a discount code for signups to the Goodnewspaper using the code GOODQUEERNEWS for 25% off! It’s the best $8 I spend every month. Check out the digital version of the article here, and get yourself some hope in the mail!

2. A reader recently sent me a trailer for a documentary they’re making on Gotham Cheer, New York City’s adult queer cheerleading team. I watched it and immediately was OBSESSED! Ear to ear grin over here, folks. Check out the trailer and then donate to the fundraiser for the film!

3. GREAT news: Anti-trans congresswoman Nancy Mace, who left her seat in congress to run for governor of South Carolina on an explicitly anti-trans platform, came in FIFTH in the primary! Now she isn’t in congress or the state house. HALLELUJAH!

4. For a deeper roundup of the best trans news out there, check out KB Brookins’ latest episode of Trans News that Doesn’t Suck!

Trans News That Doesn't Suck

And That's on Marsha P. Johnson

Friends, foes, and other h*es…

Read more

5 months ago · 30 likes · KB Brookins

5. I’ve got a live, virtual event coming up next week with the aforementioned brilliant KB, as well as the wonderful Dany Gonzalez! We’ll be having a panel discussion called “Pride Everlasting: The History of Trans Joy Outlasting Oppression”. Check us out next Saturday, June 20^th!

RSVP here!

6. For a bigger swath of hope, check out the loooong good news roundup from Jess Craven, which is one of my favorite rituals of the week.

Chop Wood, Carry Water

Extra! Extra! 6/7

Hi, all, and happy Sunday…

Read more

5 months ago · 409 likes · 52 comments · Jess Craven

Okay, that’s all I’ve got for you for now! I’m off for some family time, research, hiking, and event hosting all over Oregon (and if you’re around the Florence area on Sunday, come join me and PFLAG Florence for a live event!)

All my love,

Ben

Good afternoon and happy pride, beautiful people!!

I’m gearing up for a beautifully busy pr…

Read more

But the more time I spent at the capital fighting for trans rights, the more those assumptions were blasted apart. I was new to the scene in 2023, but the pastors, priests, nuns, rabbis, and various other clergy had been organizing for years on all kinds of progressive and human rights issues. Now, houses of faith are some of my favorite spaces to speak because of how much passionate love and desire to spark change that folks bring into the room.

Still, I know these experiences are unique. For many, many LGBTQ+folks, there is a long, painful, even traumatized history with faith whether political, personal, or both. I’m not here to tell you you’re wrong for however you might feel—your experiences are yours.

But I am here to play my favorite game: popping the bubble! Let this interview with one of the founders of the Missouri LGBTQ+ Faith Alliance break down our binaries a little bit more.

Also, this is a super fun addition. During this interview call, Deb and I talked about how it might be fun to host an event together while I’m in St. Louis in a few weeks on June 22nd, and then we worked together with my favs at PFLAG to make it happen!

RSVP for FREE Here!

Come hang out, talk about hope, and eat some ice cream!!

Okay, let’s get into it!

Ben: Deb!! I am such a huge fan of the work that you all have been doing and I’m so excited for this interview. If Missouri taught me anything, it is the power of love in faith communities. And I’m so grateful for that lesson.

Deb: I know! I have heard from people who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and they’ll say to me, I had no idea there were people like you out there.

Initially, I’m like, “can I hug you?” And then almost right after that, I’m like, wow. What are we doing wrong where somebody says that to me?

What can we be doing better? And there’s a lot of work that we have to do.

Ben: And is that where the faith alliance comes in?

Deb: Yes! One of the first things that the Faith Alliance did, when we convened almost two years ago, was to have a real conversation about how some faiths, especially churches, have done horrible harm to people in the LGBTQ+ community.

We gotta put that in a statement. We know this, and we own it, and we own what has been not only done in the past, but what continues to be done. We are here to try and make a bridge and to let people know that not everybody that professes to be, whether you’re Christian or whatever faith, is anti LGBTQ+.

I think sometimes just having people from faith communities in the space where queer people show up is important because it’s sort of a reverse representation, if you will.

Ben: It does send a message! When I go to a pride festival, I love going to the section where the faith groups are, and often I meet people who are so excited to be there, like, “How glad I am to be here giving love, showing up to say, I am right here with you to give a glitter benediction!”

So take me back to that first meeting or the idea behind the LGBTQ+Faith Alliance. How did this all start?

Deb: I had been doing some affirming work first through free mom hugs. I was one of the people that sort of started the chapter in Missouri, and in the church I was attending at the time, I was leading a family support network of people who are family members of LGBTQ+ people. It was like PFLAG, but through faith.

I knew that there were other congregations in the Saint Louis area that were affirming and advocating for LGBTQ+ people in the community, but it didn’t seem like we were talking to one another. And I thought, okay. There’s gotta be a way to connect people better. I knew that there were some people showing up from Faith Communities in Jeff City, and I just thought there was a way for us to get together.

I knew Sister Nancy Corcoran because she had spoken at the church I was attending at the time to that family support network, and I reached out to Nancy for a coffee chat, and she was just so supportive. There was something on my heart, but sometimes you need somebody in front of you to say, go for this. That was sister Nancy.

(An addition from Ben for my non-Missouri readers that sister Nancy is a firecracker nun who is one of the most passionate allies I have ever met. One of these days, she’s getting her own piece here.)

Deb: And so I currently am a member of, if I may plug, Parkway United Church of Christ. We have a wonderful pastor there, Kevin Cameron. And he said, “let’s have the meeting here!” So on a Saturday we convened for a meeting, and it was kind of off and running.

That was in July, and then we figured out a structure. We started meeting monthly. We were lining up speakers to come to every other meeting. We alternate between virtual and in-person, and we always have an educational type speaker to talk to us at our meetings in person. I was lining those up and it just kept rolling and rolling, and more people were coming on board from good word-of-mouth. Before I knew it, there’s 25 congregations.

We base our work on four pillars: community outreach, advocacy, issuing of resources, and education. So, one of the first things we did was pride because I knew there were a lot of churches that were already showing up, but it’s not inexpensive to do prides. So we all shared a tent, and this coming year, we will be there with another ecumenical booth. There’s six different congregations all under one tent!

Ben: That’s so much fun!

Ben: I’m curious, between when you started and now, what has surprised you the most?

Deb: Honestly, I think it’s just been the way things have fallen into place. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m not a wallflower, but I would definitely describe myself as a happy introvert. To be the face of something is weird for me.

And so I often tell people, I’m just winging this y’all. But it all seems to fall into place somehow. Whether it’s planning an event or getting speakers, that kind of tells me that the higher power, whatever you recognize that to be, is saying, “good job, kid”, and helping this along.

I really feel like the spirit has been working amongst all of us. And what is so beautiful is that I see it speaking all different kinds of languages. Right? I mean, so many times, if you belong to a particular faith community, it’s really easy to think this is the way. But you’re putting the holy in a box. You’re not letting the full beautiful diversity of sacredness out. You know?

Ben: That’s so beautiful. Tell me more about that.

Deb: As an example, we had a big strategy meeting with PROMO [the Missouri group leading the charge in fighting for queer rights in the legislative, electoral, and deep canvassing spheres]. We had about 30 people of all different ages, different faiths. And I was so busy helping to pull the meeting together, I did not hear about the shooting that had happened in San Diego. And one of the Jewish members of our group, Phillip, wanted to offer support to one of the young people that was there who was Muslim.

It was beautiful to see Phil take the lead, in that moment for that person and then lead the whole group at the end of the meeting in a moment of silence for our Muslim siblings. And that’s a wonderful thing about this faith alliance is that people just step in to do the work that needs to be done either in the moment or, you know, in the larger picture. It’s just been a super beautiful, collaborative kind of experience, these past couple of years. And, as our diversity increases and more people come on board, it’s just gonna get even better.

Ben: That just fills my heart so much. I love Missouri. I want to dive a little deeper into some of the faith side of things. There are a lot of LGBTQ+ people who have a strong gut reaction to hearing about faith communities. They have a lot of fear or trauma or anger. What would you say to people who are carrying that fear or that trauma or that baggage with them?

Deb: I first want to say I hear that, and I acknowledge that fear. I hear what you’re saying, and I acknowledge the harm, and there are way more people of faith from various traditions that believe you’re perfect just the way you are, and you were made in God’s image, and you are sacred and holy and whole. And know, as we said in our statement of support, there’s no politician or pundit that can tell you anything different.

Ben: That’s so beautiful. Thank you so much.

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Diving Deeper Into Allyship

Ben: How about for folks who are allies, who are religious, and who are holding this pain of I love my faith, I love my LGBTQ+community, and I hate knowing that when people hear that I’m religious, they get nervous around me. What would you say to somebody figuring out how to hold those things?

Deb: I just think it’s so important if you identify as a person of faith, whether you’re a member of a of a faith community or you’re a faith leader, It’s just important to find a way to to speak out against the Christian Nationalist movement that we’ve got in this country right now.

I would love more people of, progressive or even centrist faith communities to speak out. I don’t know if it’s a Midwest thing or what the deal is, but so many people are afraid. They don’t wanna offend anybody. I was raised on, you don’t talk about politics or church. Y’all those days are gone. They’re gone. If people who love the LGBTQ+ community are silent, then all the LGBTQ+ community hears is the hate.

And that’s why you have to somehow find your voice, whether that’s within your faith community or you reach out to organizations in your area and say “I’m a person of faith. I want to volunteer for your organization.”

I would just hope that people stop being afraid of alienating anybody and start praying with your feet.

Ben: YES!!!! I love that so much, my goodness. Get out there, and let’s do some work.

Deb: And it can start with something very simple. And then you kind of want to flow naturally to the next step because it just feels so hopeful.

Ben: EXACTLY!!! Empowerment really feeds on itself. I hate to say it, but we’re starting to come to the end of our interview here. How can folks support the work you’re doing?

Deb: We’ve got a raffle fundraiser going on right now until the 10th to support our work. Right now, any person of faith or organization that’s faith based or group that’s faith based can join the faith alliance. We don’t ask for any money. We just ask, be active. So one of the things we’re doing is two of our members donated an antique quilt raffle or an antique yo-yo quilt for us to raffle, and it’s online.

Buy a ticket!

Ben: How can folks who are in Missouri join you all?

Deb: Right now, we are pretty much in this greater St. Louis area, and I know your folk are all over. But anybody can reach out to me with any questions or, you know, whether they’re from Missouri or anywhere. Our email is LGBTfaithalliance@aol.com. We’re old school.

Ben: Deb, this interview has been fantastic. It has solidly recharged my hope reserves. I am just so proud to have called Missouri home.

Deb: And I tell you, I’m a native Missourian, and this nonsense that’s going on right now, it just makes me so mad. This is not the Missouri I knew as a kid. I’d be happy with the purple Missouri back, and I think we can get there. I know so many people who want that.

As Katy from PROMO said last night, “If there’s only one thing you all get out of this meeting, I want you to know Missouri is winnable.” Yeah. And she made us repeat it a couple of times, but that’s what we’re going to try to help do.

Subscribe now

Join us in Missouri!!

For all the folks in the MO/IL area, we’d absolutely love to have you join us for an evening of hope, history, and ICE CREAM! Monday, June 22nd, 7pm Central. Be there or be square! RSVP here and invite anyone who’s cool :)

​​RSVP: https://partiful.com/e/a4vRYJN7ImR8U070loHc

PS If you’re jealous this is in Missouri and not your city… reply to this email and we’ll make it happen! These are my favorite kinds of events, and I can be lured basically anywhere with the promise of ice cream.

Her work has been a keystone of my own passions for years, and I wanted to share with you all a beautiful email she sent in the wake of the devastating shooting at the Islamic Center of San Diego on Monday. I know it is tempting to look away, and to become numb to the violence. Valerie provides a beautiful model for what it actually looks like to hold this pain, to help ourselves and each other heal, and to move forward.

She also included a form she made to submit love letters to the survivors at the center, which she will be personally delivering next week. I think this is incredibly beautiful and was eager to submit my own messages of love.

To all my muslim readers, I grieve with you deeply this week. Through the screen here, I want you to know that I see you in your pain, your fear, your grief, and your anger. I am here with you.

I have built a platform of over 20,000 people looking for community, hope, and action. It is such a gift to be able to use this platform to amplify the voices of brilliant people that deserve to be heard by as many people as possible. As soon as I read this article, I reached out to Valerie for permission to republish her newsletter in its entirety, and she generously agreed. I know it can be frightening and difficult to engage with this subject matter, but I truly trust Valerie to have the grace and wisdom to hold us through it. What follows are exclusively Valerie’s own words & work, not mine.

If you want to learn more about her work, you should start with my favorite book of hers, See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love

You can also support her work with a donation:

Donate Here→

My Love Letter to You After San Diego

by Valerie Kaur

Beloved family:

On Monday, two gunmen opened fire at the Islamic Center of San Diego and killed three people before taking their own lives. One was a security guard who died protecting the 140 children inside. The mass shooting is being investigated as a hate crime linked to white supremacist extremism. The community is deep mourning.

Let’s show them they are not alone.

Write a message of love and solidarity to the children of the Islamic Center of San Diego. I will hand-deliver your letters to the mosque next Friday.

Within a few days, the news cycle will move on from this shooting. And the painful process of healing will begin. Your messages of love and support will be bound a book as a gift for the children’s school — so that in the hard days ahead, they know they are never, never alone.

Write your message here →

You can write a message to the children. Or to the parents and grown-ups there. It can be a long or just a couple lines. It can be typed or handwritten. If you are a teacher or parent, you can invite your kids to write messages too. Forward this email. Gather and write together. We carry each other through the impossible.

If you are able, make a donation to support the survivors and families here.

The Revolutionary Love Project delivered tens of thousands of prayers and letters of love and solidarity in the wake of the mass shootings at the Sikh gurdwara in Oak Creek, Mother Emanuel Church in Charleston, Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, and mosques in Christchurch. Let us pour our love into San Diego now.

My Love Letter to You

To our Muslim family: We see you. We love you. We grieve with you. We stand with you.

To all of us who are hurting: You are not alone. The terror of this mass shooting is reverberating in our hearts across the country.

Houses of worship are sanctuaries — where we feel safe, where we raise our children and build community, where we sing and pray, where we find refuge and peace.

One of the deadliest attacks on a house of worship was the mass shooting by a white supremacist in the Sikh gurdwara of Oak Creek, WI in 2012. I documented the aftermath for my community. I will never forget the look of agony in the children who survived, or the steady voices of our elders as they repaired the broken glass and ripped out the blood-soaked carpets with their own hands, singing and praying.

All these years later, we are still mourning our loved ones— just as we will forever mourn the three heroes who died on Monday:

Amin Abdullah, 51, father of eight, the security guard who sacrificed his life to protect the 200 children inside the mosque. His final act was to call to warn the teachers and put the school on lock-down. He is credited for saving many lives.

Nadir Awad, 57, husband of a teacher at the school, the neighbor who ran towards the mosque when he heard gunfire and was killed while trying to distract and delay the shooters.

Mansour Kaziha, 78, the beloved elder and caretaker who served the community since the mosque was founded in the 1980s. All three are being honored as martyrs for giving their lives to slow the gunmen and save lives.

We hold in our hearts the teachers who kept the children safe, and the parents who waited through hours of terror. We mourn with the families whose loved ones are not coming home. And we stand with resolve and conviction to tell the truth about the climate of hate in America today.

This shooting is not an “isolated incident.”

This act of violence comes at a time of extreme anti-Muslim hate from the federal government — hate speech, extremist propaganda, and authoritarian assaults on immigrants and people of color.

For the last 25 years since 9/11, Muslim, Sikh and Arab communities have endured enormous white nationalist rage. Loved ones killed and beaten in hate crimes. Mosques and gurdwaras routinely vandalized. Surveillance, detentions, deportations, travel bans and family separations. Forever wars and genocidal campaigns abroad keep fueling the hate at home — and those who profit from it have overtaken the highest seats of power.

Now our children, born long after 9/11, grow up in a nation more dangerous for them than it was for us. And a new generation has been trained in white supremacist hate — the two gunmen in San Diego were teenagers who found each other online and shared “broad hate.”

I grieve for all that we have lost. I rage that the violence goes on and on. And I search for signs of hope…

When I look back at the last 25 years, in the wake of every act of hate violence, there were people who did what the nation as a whole did not — they showed up to grieve with us, to offer flowers and letters and donations, to listen to our needs, to share our stories, and to organize with us.

Anytime people who have no obvious reason to love one another come together to grieve, they build new relationships—they power movements.

May we be brave with our love now —

• Honor your grief. It is a sign of how deeply you love.

• Honor your rage. It carries information and energy. It connects you with the power to fight for matters to you.

• Take time to breathe. Your fatigue means that you are awake to the gravity of suffering. Rest. Reach out to someone who can breathe with you. Only then —

• Let’s push together. Choose one brave thing. Scroll down for ways to show up for San Diego.

In heartbreak and resolve,

Valarie

P.S. Send your love letter by midnight next Wednesday!

Write Your Love Letter

We are collecting love letters from across the country and around the world and will hand-deliver them in San Diego next week. Your message of love and solidarity can bring hope, healing, and courage. It can be long or just a few sentences. Even after the news cycle moves on, families and children can read your letters and know that they are not alone.

• Type your message in the form. Or take a picture of a handwritten letter or artwork and upload it.

• Address your letter to children at the school. Or to the parents and grown-ups in the community.

• You can choose to give your name and contact, or leave it anonymous.

Make your submissions by midnight on Wednesday, May 27th.

Submit your letter →

Take Action for San Diego

1) Make a donation to support the Victims and Families: Make a donation to the Official ICSD Victim & Family Support Fund to help provide direct assistance to the families impacted by this tragedy. Donate here.

2) Grieve in community:

• Attend local vigils and stand in solidarity in your community.

  • You are invited to a community vigil tonight in San Diego — Wednesday, May 20 | 6:30 PM in front of Geisel library on UCSD’s campus. We will continue to share other local vigils as we hear about them on our social channels.

• Reach out to loved ones, neighbors, family, and friends in the Muslim community with love and support.

• Build a community altar using this toolkit from Black Feminist Futures.

3) Learn about and combat anti-Muslim bigotry:

• What is Islam (The Pluralism Project at Harvard University)

• What is Islamophobia (Facing History & Ourselves)

• How do online networks spread Islamophobia (The Bridge Initiative at Georgetown University — podcast with Dr Marc Owen Jones, expert on disinformation and digital authoritarianism)

• Countering and Dismantling Islamophobia (Toolkit by the Institute for Social Policy & Understanding)

• How can we create school cultures that counter Islamophobia (Southern Poverty Law Center)

4) Talk to the young ones in your life to help them process: The National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS) recommends:

• Talking to Children About Tragedies (American Academy of Pediatrics)

• Helping Kids After a Shooting (American School Counselor Association)

• Explaining the News to Our Kids (Common Sense Media)

• Helping Children Cope with Frightening News (Child Mind Institute)

• Helping Children Cope with Terrorism: Tips for Families and Educators (National Association of School Psychologists)

Recipe for Resilience

The Revolutionary Love Project envisions a world where love is a public ethic and shared practice in our lives and politics. We generate stories, tools, and thought leadership to equip people to practice the ethic of love in the fight for social justice.

Donate Here→